Page 94 of Was I Ever Here

“It’s not like I don’t want to…and I’m so close to saying it but it's been so long now that it feels almost awkward to just blurt it out,” I say, somewhat morosely.

“You’re being an idiot. Just say it for fuck’s sake.”

“God, you’re so annoying. Leave me alone would you?” I bite back

“Never. You’re stuck with me.”

She winks and I smile, but I’m still peeved that she’s right. I just need to blurt it out. I just need to say it. Before he tires of me. I hope he doesn’t tire of me. I just can’t continue pretending not to see the small dip in his shoulders when he tells me he loves me and I can’t say it back.

“Anyway,” I say, circling back to the subject at hand. “I’ll tell him soon. Promise.”

“You fucking better,” Lenix shoots back as she takes another sip of her hot drink.

I settle into my seat, at a loss for words because she’s right. I have no more excuses.

Chapter 55

Sunny

Byzantine’scarwindsaroundthe curve when the familiar inlet appears. The small secluded beach he brought me to all those months ago. This time I’m the one who asked for him to bring me here. He looked at me like he was remembering exactly what he did to me on that beach. Then he fucked me right there on the kitchen counter while the coffee was still brewing before agreeing to drive us up here.

Win-win in my opinion.

There’s not a cloud in sight as I look up to the blue sky while Byzantine opens my car door and I jump out, eager to spend the afternoon doing absolutely nothing. I throw my arms around his neck, my lips landing on his as I lick my way inside his mouth and he groans into me. His hands trail under my loose top, his fingers grazing up my spine and I shiver. I pull away with a smile and the wide grin he offers back almost knocks the breath out of me.

I follow behind him down the small beaten path and help him set up the blanket and chairs. Stripping down to my bikini as soon as we’re done, I settle into one of the chairs and let out a small pleased sigh, my eyes falling closed.

Things have been easy lately between Byzantine and I. It’s scary and I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like it’s impossible for my life to be going this good and something is bound to happen.

Thank fuck for therapy.

Although, begrudgingly, I’m spending most of my time talking about my mommy issues. It’s super fun. And not at all annoying. But I guess it’s working, even if I still have a hard time admitting it out loud.

After an hour of dozing in and out of sleep while Byzantine reads beside me, I peel myself off the chair and stand up.

“I’m going in, come with?”

He gazes up at me, one of his eyes closed trying to shield himself from the sun.

“Always.”

I lean down to where he’s still sitting and give him a slow kiss, tasting the sun-soaked salt on his lips.

He follows me into the surf and we stay near the shore, just deep enough for our bodies to cool off. I lean back and dip my head into the water, my hair sticking to my neck and shoulders. Byzantine finds my hips and I wrap my legs around his, his lop-sided smile bright as he looks at me.

I notice the sun has brought out a few freckles on his face, even a few on his lips and I catch his mouth with my own. His lips taste like the sea and I want to lose myself in them. Pulling away, he buries his face in the crook of my shoulder.

“My beautiful windflower,” he whispers slowly into my neck and his voice sends shivers down my arms as the waves rock us gently this way and that. It’s so quiet here and my heart soars, laying witness to all of it.

Then it hits me.

The feeling of déjà vu so intense, tears spring to my eyes. This is the moment I saw all those weeks ago. That simple moment in time where I felt…happy.

“I love you,” I say softly.

It’s suddenly hard to swallow, my tongue still echoing the shape of the words I just uttered out loud. I spoke them so low I’m half convinced the sound of the waves dragged the words away from Byzantine’s ear. But then his whole body stills under me and I know he heard me. My heart sinks, scared and hopeful and terrified.

Utterly and painfully in love.

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