Page 88 of Was I Ever Here

Lenix picks up on all the unsaid words floating between us and leans over to squeeze my hand in hers.

“You can’t live your life like that, Sunny. You can’t just go around thinking everyone you love will eventually leave you. River’s death isn’t the blueprint of the rest of your life. It was tragic, of course it was tragic. But it doesn’t mean you’re destined to suffer tragedy after tragedy. That would be nuts babes.”

“But is it that crazy? How can you know it won’t happen again?”

“I don’t. And you won’t know either but you just have to live being okay not knowing. You deserve to be happy too Sunny.”

My laugh is weak as I look up at her. “I’m not even sure I know what that feels like…”

Her smile is sad but warm. “So let’s figure it out together okay?”

Chapter 50

Byzantine

IwalkintoSammieswith Connor and Bastian in tow. The place is busy but my eyes still land on Sunny behind the bar as soon as I walk through the door. She’s wearing her signature short shorts, and a loose tank top that shows off the tattoo on her arm. I can tell she’s not wearing a bra—is she ever—and I hold back the groan at the back of my throat.

She’s a fucking vision. A pang rips through me as her gaze finally finds mine and I just stand there, struck dumb. She winks and then turns around, busy serving a waiting customer.

Fuck. I miss her. It’s only been a week and I fucking miss her. I miss her body, her mind, those sour moods she gets, I miss her secrets and fears and cute laughs and hazel eyes so deep I could drown in them.

But I’m giving her space, only because she asked.

But as previously mentioned, I’ve never pretended to be a moral man. I resorted back to stalking her. Forced back into the shadows. An old habit coming in quite handy while I let herthinkI’m giving her space.

I still miss her all the same. I felt like a schoolboy with a crush knowing she was working tonight. Knowing she would let me drive her home at the very least, and I’d be able to smell the subtle hints of her grapefruit lip balm while I steal a kiss from the driver’s seat.

Bastian gives me a small shove between the shoulder blades and I realize I’ve stopped walking entirely. Coming back to life like a wind-up toy, I lead us to our usual table on shaky legs.

Shit, I really need to get it together.

Connor slides into our booth followed by Bastian. They know to leave me the seat on the far left. The one that gives me direct access to Sunny behind the bar. Free to stare and stalk at my leisure. A few seconds later, Lenix struts up with our usual order.

“Hiya boys!” she winks at Bastian, leaning down to hand over our drinks while giving Connor an eyeful of her cleavage. I notice she’s avoiding my gaze which confirms my suspicion that Sunny finally told her everything.

I don’t especially care either way. The only thing that matters is that Sunny now knows and believes me. Doesn’t keep me from wondering what exactly Sunny told Lenix. Especially about what happened on the cliff.

“Let me know if you need anything else,” Lenix chirps, popping her hand on her hips.

“Thanks darling, we will,” Connor answers, winking and handing her a hundred dollar bill as tip. She flashes him a toothy grin, snatching the bill from his hand and shoving it into her money pouch.

“Always a pleasure, Connor,” she sing-songs, walking away.

The table falls silent while Bastian turns to Connor.

“You have to be lying.”

“About what?” he asks, pretending he has no clue what Bastian is insinuating.

“You twomustbe fucking.”

Connor only grins over his rock glass, the ice clinking as he takes a slow sip watching Lenix from afar. “She wouldn’t be acting that way if we were.”

“And why is that?” I say, humoring him.

“Because she would hate me by now,” he simply states.

I can’t tell if he’s joking or being serious. It’s probably both.

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