Page 80 of Was I Ever Here

“I’m sorry,” she says.

“Sorry?”

“I hate it when you see me like this. I’m such a mess.”

While her body shakes with her silent cries, I drag her even closer and kiss her soft wet cheek, tasting the salt on my lips.

“There’s no part of you I don’t want to see, my little sun. Nothing you do can orwillchange my mind about you. Trust me.”

A small pained sigh leaves her lips and she sniffles, trying to catch her breath.

“I trust you,” she finally whispers.

The sound of those three words guts me, knowing that I’ve been keeping such a large piece of us hidden from her.

How the fuck am I supposed to tell her now?

There never seems to be the right time.

But it needs to happen. I can’t keep lying to her like this.

“I need to show you something,” I finally say, my heart clenching with anxiety.

She pops her head up, eyes swollen and cheeks red—vulnerable and so fucking beautiful. I pull her in for a slow, soft kiss, the taste of her tears like a balm to my own heavy emotions. But eventually she pushes away and I crave her immediately. Her eyes search mine with curiosity.

“What do you want to show me?”

My skin pulses as the fear I feel in having to tell her intensifies. I wish I could just play pretend and hold her like this forever.

But she deserves to know

I know it’s time.

I park the car near the cliff, my fingers barely willing to pull the keys out of the ignition, stretching the moment as long as I can, having no clue how to even begin.

Sunny unbuckles her seat belt while her head swivels around, taking in her surroundings.

“I know this sounds impossible but I keep thinking I’ve been here before,” she says with a slightly nervous laugh as if the idea is completely crazy and not the cold hard truth.

And then I let it slip. I don’t mean to, but maybe deep down I do.

“It’s because you have.”

I stare at her with all the seriousness I can evoke, my heart beating into my ribcage.

Her eyes are still a little puffy as she glances over to me, surprised. “What do you mean?” Again there’s that slightly nervous chuckle, because how else is she supposed to react?

I take a long inhale, taking hold of her hand, dragging my thumb across her knuckles.

“It means we’ve been here before.”

Chapter 46

Sunny

“We?”Isay.

Byzantine is being cryptic and something about the way he’s looking at me is starting to freak me out. I’m still too rattled from my dream and this, whateverthisis, feels too serious—too important.

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