Page 59 of Was I Ever Here

I am powerless.

Sunny is an enigma I’ve failed to decipher through time itself. Every time I feel close to unlocking her she disappears under my touch. What’s different about now? Here in this life. What can I do to make her stay?

I don’t think I can survive one more life without her. Another life without her soul seared to mine. I need to tell her. I just don’t know how.

An idea starts to form in my head but I’m not sure it would even help. Or evendoanything. I’m reaching for anything and everything hoping something will stick.

“Byzantine.” I hear Connor say and I glance over only to realize we’re the only ones left in the room.Shit.

His stare is somber, and I shift in my seat, clearing my throat but saying nothing, feeling like a child being reprimanded.

“Am I going to have to take care of your little distraction?” he says, his tone cold against my skin, my stomach roiling at the sound. I know he has every reason to say that but it doesn’t prevent me from wanting to kill him just for saying it.

I avert my eyes feeling like a caged animal. “No. It won’t happen again,” I mutter, finally staring back at him so he knows I’m serious.

He taps his finger on his mahogany desk seeming to be mulling something over. “What the hell is wrong with you? You’ve been acting shifty for weeks now,” he finally says.

I know then, I have to tell him. I’m losing my fucking mind keeping it a secret. At this point, I don’t even care if he actually thinks I did lose my mind. If only I can stop shouldering all this weight alone.

“I need to tell you something,” I say, cold sweat trickling down my back. Connor cocks a brow, but says nothing, letting me continue. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“I already think you’re crazy,” he replies.

I grunt in disapproval and cross my arms, closing off.

Connor grins, his demeanor suddenly shifting from boss to best friend and settles into his large leather chair. “Just fucking tell me already.”

I stare at the clouds through the window behind him, biting my inner cheek, unsure where to start. Maybe if I don’t look at him it will be easier.

“I never really told you what happened when I died,” I finally say, giving him a quick glance to make sure he’s listening. He’s fallen serious and simply nods as if to tell me to go on. I look back over to the window before I continue. “I saw…things. A lot of it is a blur now but some things still stick out. Some things I’ll never forget.”

“What things?” he asks, his voice slightly incredulous.

I take a deep breath, my eyes closing with the swell of my lungs. My eyes land back on him, my nerves crawling down my spine.

“I saw…well, I saw the lives I’ve lived before this one.”

I can hear Connor’s hard swallow before he speaks, “Are you fucking shitting me Byzantine?”

“I wish I was,” I laugh dryly.

I shift in the chair again, feeling like I would rather just stand up and run.

“But that’s not all…” I continue, swiping a hand over my face. Fuck, this is harder than I expected. “All the lives I saw, I was with someone else, in love with someone else,” I clear my throat, searching for the right words. “And it’s…it’s hard to explain but…even if the faces changed, I still somehow knew the soul was the same. I knew them. And, well, they knew me. They loved me,” I say, cringing at every single word that just came out of my mouth.

I can tell Connor is trying to absorb everything I just told him. The tightness of his shoulders, the quick tap tap tap of his fingers on his desk. I don’t blame him. Five years later and I’m still not sure what the hell is happening.

All I know is that Sunny belongs to me.

“Do you believe me?” My voice cracks and I wince at the vulnerability I unwillingly let slip.

“I mean, you’ve never lied to me before. I’m just trying to wrap my head around what the fuck you just told me,” he replies.

“There’s more.”

“Great,” he jests and his sarcasm is like nails to a chalkboard.

“Fuck off, Connor,” I mutter, scowling and tightening my arms across my chest like a shield.

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