Page 53 of Was I Ever Here

Connor simply chuckles at his own joke, watching Bastian still grumble over the umbrella.

I watch Byzantine situates his chair so he’s facing me, and the image of him makes my mouth go dry. His face is still bruised, but even in this casual environment, he looks as regal as ever. I take my time taking in the sight while he gives me a small knowing smirk.

His shorts hit the middle of his thighs and it only accentuates his strong legs straining against the fabric. My gaze slowly trails over his crotch, his fingers twitching ever so slightly seemingly reacting to my slow perusal.

Pleased, I continue my inspection upwards. The light dusting of hair on his chest is almost invisible in contrast to his tattoos, shiny from the suntan lotion he just slathered on. Every inch of him is defined like he’s spent countless hours in the gym perfecting his physique and when I finally reach his face, I feel light-headed and I’m not sure if it’s from half a bottle of Prosecco or him. He peers down at me, his smile wicked while he raises his beer up to his lips.

A small shriek pulls me out of my trance, realizing Connor placed a cold can against Lenix’s back making her yelp.

“Asshole!” she yelps.

Connor cackles while still brandishing the beverage towards her. “What?” he asks innocently. “I thought you were thirsty?”

She glares at him but still reaches for the beer anyway. Bastian, after finally winning the fight against the umbrella, has settled beside Connor. Never one to be talkative, he just grins watching our friends bicker back and forth.

Smiling, I lie down on my towel. But even when surrounded by the best distraction in Noxport, my thoughts stray to the conversation I had with my mother earlier. Her voice is stuck on a loop in my head.

It makes me want to seek the anesthetic comfort of apathy—and maybe some more alcohol.

I’m doing everything possible to avoid the hurt, but still it burns and burns and burns. Like a knife to the throat, I pretend not to notice the threat. The ghost of my past haunts me even here, where the sun shines bright and the boys are notoriously hot.

I reach for the tequila bottle and take a hefty swig while I avoid eye contact with Byzantine. Drinking is always a dangerous gamble when I’m trying to avoid my feelings. And I’m currently walking a fine line between the comforting numbness of the drink and the deluge of emotions threatening to explode like a cracked dam.

Thankfully, he doesn’t mention my aloofness, dragging his fingers along my warm skin instead, leaving a trail of goosebumps on my thigh in his wake. The warmth of his hand is overwhelming, the dam cracking wider as I try to fight it.

Luckily, Connor is a hell of a diversion.

“So this is how the other half lives,” he states, taking another sip, and looking around.

“What other half?” Lenix asks, slightly peeved.

“Plebeians,” he deadpans.

The word isn’t even fully out of his mouth before Bastian is swatting him over the head, but he just shakes in laughter.

“What? You know I’m right,” he snickers, his toothy grin bright as he tries to avoid Bastian’s next swing. “Don’t you two pretend you can remember the last time you spent the afternoon at thepublicbeach.”

“Jesus Connor,” Lenix states. “How rich areyou?”

His eyes twinkles as he looks at her. “Darling, don’t you know it’s impolite to ask? Where are your manners?”

“Connor, do us all a favor and shut up would you?” Byzantine says piping in.

Suddenly, he sits up and playfully tries to wrestle Byzantine out of his chair, but the man is a brick wall and just sits there glaring at him. I smirk and can’t help but to laugh, the weight on my chest a little easier to ignore while I spend the rest of the afternoon in easy company.

It's spent swimming, sunbathing and watching Connor chase Lenix around with half-dried seaweed. Meanwhile I try to keep up the precarious charade of being just fine. It leaves me feeling like I’ll always have to pretend to be happy, even for just an afternoon. So I retreat into my shell, continuing to get even more intoxicated, unable to avoid the pain while Byzantine notices but says nothing.

Chapter 30

Sunny

It’sdarkoutwhenwe leave Lenix, Connor and Bastian in the beach parking lot, debating over which club to head to tonight. I slink off with Byzantine, following him to his car. I noticed he barely drank today, must be because he drove here.

“You dropping me off?” I ask, proud I didn’t slur my words while asking my question.

“No you’re coming home with me,” he clips.

“Jeez, so bossy,” I grumble.

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