Page 170 of Captivated By Danger

“Then you meet somebody else. Don’tnotmeet anyone because of me. Okay? You deserve happiness and if you find that before we have a chance to cross paths again, then I will wish you well from afar. No bullshit.”

Her bottom lip started to quiver again. “Diesel, I only want you.”

“And I only want you, but I won’t throw you into this life, Grey. No matter what you say to me, I won’t force you into being a stepmom right now, so early into this.”

She covered her mouth and cried.

“Grey, please,” I whispered.

“I’m gonna go.”

“No. It’s late. Come here.”

An hour later and two rounds later, she was laying a few inches away from me with her face in the pillow. She was crying softly into the pillow. I knew there weren’t enough words or dick or kisses to prove to her that I was a man of my word. Every second she lay next to me quietly sobbing and sniffing fucked with me. It’s why in the wee hours of the morning, I continued to pretend to be asleep when she got out of bed and wrote me a note that she left on my pillow that read365 days, Diesel Danger! I love you. She kissed my cheek and told me she loved me before slipping out of the door. Just as the sun started to come up, I finally went to sleep.

SEVENTEEN

GREYSEN

Day 33/365

I’m sitting on the balcony looking at all the kids running around and splashing at the pool and on the beach. Today was the best day that I’d had in a long ass time. I still hadn’t deleted the text thread yet, nor have I thrown away the pictures, but I hadn’t cried today, which is great because I know once I go back to day three, I am going to be so disgusted at myself. That’s all I have for today; I am going to celebrate the small wins, even though I feel like shit.

I closed my journal and stared out at the ocean. I’d been renting a small villa on the beach on the island nearby Citrus Grove. I was going to stay on the beach there, but all it took was for one person to see me for everyone to know that I was back home. I needed some space to heal and be by myself before I would be able to deal with all the bullshit that I knew was going to come my way. Being here has helped a lot because the villa was a part of a resort that came with a butler, room service, and a full-service spa, that I frequented courtesy of Diesel’s American Express card. Every time I swiped it, I laughed to myself thinking about him getting a hard-on because I spent his money.

Once I finished my classes, I stayed in New York, maybe two days max before I had to leave. New York was just too fucking small to be sharing with the man who told me that in 365 days or less, he was going to come for me. At first, I felt like a fool counting the days, but it gave me something to look forward to, even if me and Diesel didn’t end up together. I’d love to go back and reread my healing journey just in case I needed to remind myself of where I was and how I overcame it.

My alarm went off letting me know that my doctor’s appointment was in three hours, so I needed to get to the dock to catch the ferry over to Citrus Grove. Because I’d been so fatigued, I scheduled an emergency appointment a few days ago, and my doctor sent me to go get a blood panel. She was going to give me my results today. Hopefully, it wasn’t anything more than some type of bug I’d caught. So far, I’d been tripling up on some iron pills and that helped a little. After closing and locking my balcony doors, I slipped in my shoes and grabbed my purse before looking around to make sure I had everything before leaving.

Elle honked and waved at me as I walked with the crowd of people off the ramp.

“God, you look like death,” she said once I was in her car.

“Really? I been sleeping a hundred hours a day. I should look about ten years younger.”

“Just because you been getting sleep, don’t mean you been resting. And you sure you’re not pregnant?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ve literally had my period twice. Maybe it’s something in my diet.”

“No! Do not change your diet again. I’m afraid you’re going to disappear.”

“I’ve literally only lost fifteen pounds.”

“If you sayliterallyone more time, I am going to swerve us into traffic,” she said, making me laugh.

Since that night Diesel dropped me off at her hotel, she’s been with me and checking on me every single day and although I was terribly hurt, I felt nowhere near as bad as I felt with Kyle and Perris. That was a deep betrayal. What Diesel did was for the best interest of him, me, and his babymama Rachel. With him, I knew that we were going to cross paths again and I couldn’t wait because I missed him dearly.

“You took the whole day off just to drive me to get my results?”

“Yes, because I want to be the first one to tell you ‘I told you so’ when you get your results. That man knocked your ass up.”

I rolled my eyes because she really believed that I was pregnant, but I didn’t.

“Anyways.”

“Yeah, anyways. Your birthday is in a couple days, please tell me you have something planned because if you don’t, I’m about to be working my ass off to pull something together.”

“Elle, you really don’t have to. I am thankful to just wake up on my birthday after the last few I had. I am going to sit on my balcony and people watch and maybe take myself out for a drink and some lamb chops, and oh, some duck too. Hm. Oysters and calamari too.”

---