Page 139 of Captivated By Danger

She rolled her eyes so hard. “Hell no. Afterthatstory you just told me, hell to the fucking no. You are really a sociopath for even having the balls to ask me that. Man, after that disgustingly, sad story, I’ll be home actively praying for your downfall.”

I laughed so hard. “I fucking love you.”

She gasped and covered her mouth, and I immediately closed my mouth.

What the fuck!

FIFTEEN

GREYSEN

Day 20/42

It’s been like a ghost town around here lately which I was kind of thankful for, to be honest. Diesel’s been acting funny since he slipped up and told me that he loved me. The minute he said it, he’d reverted back to day one Diesel; mean and cold. Can you believe that he hadn’t even been fucking me, either? After dropping so much dick and tongue off for weeks straight, he just stops. He was still trying to treat me as normal as he could, but he just knew that him telling me that he loved me changed our relationship drastically. I could tell that he ain’t never told a woman he loved them before. It really fucked him up. If I wasn’t falling into my depressive mode, I’d be laughing my ass off at him, but the anniversary of my baby’s death is coming up and I wasn’t in a playful mood. Me writing this is the first time I’ve thought of her in weeks and now I feel like shit. It’s like I’m starting to panic because what if one day, I just stop thinking about her, completely forgetting about her. That’s why I’m glad Diesel’s ass been at work so he wouldn’t have to deal with the panic attacks that I get around this time. At least this year, I have something to get out of bed for. This time last year, I would have been through my second jar of ice cream and on my tenth YouTube video talking about dealing with the loss of a child. School is pulling me out of bed and for that I am very thankful. Wow. This feels good to get this off my chest. I couldn’t talk to Diesel about it because his ass barely had empathy for his mother, so I knew he wouldn’t be able to say anything to make me feel better. Time for class.

Closing my journal, I stared at the window for a few moments. My body woke me up earlier than normal, so I decided to get my workout and journaling out the way before class. When I left, Diesel was already gone, which he had been doing for the last few days. It didn’t faze me as much because I was so used to his ass being hot and cold. Noticing the time, I got up to get dressed. The weather was supposed to be rainy, so I chose a pair of blue jean capris and a plain white t-shirt with matching Gucci shoes and bag.

When Elle called and told me that me and Diesel made the gossip blogs, I was kind of shocked at first and was even more shocked when I read the vile comments. It was something special about people generalizing someone they’d never met. By the hundredth‘no way he likes me for real’, cute for a big girl,and‘he’s pimping me out’comment, I was laughing loud. Oh and I couldn’t forget‘gold digger’. When the blog finally found my social media profile, it was on. Not even two hours later, they’d had my whole profile up, saying where I used to work and where I was from. They even said we were going to get married, comparing our relationship to Dymon and Quinci. It was a whole mess, but then people went from supporting me because I’m fat to calling me a gold digger. Honestly, I never knew vile comments would send my self-esteem through the roof. Since then, I’ve been playing dress-up from the closet boutique. It was very fun and a good distractor.

After I was done getting dressed, the jeans hung very sexy on my waist. Since doing the workouts and stretches that Diesel planned for me, I’d been feeling much better and even looking better. Shit, I wasn’t planning on losing weight, but I’d take it. After grabbing my school stuff, I headed down to the car. Once I was in the car, I called Elle.

“My famous gold-digging model bitch. What’s up, girl?”

I laughed. “You are doing too much. You got a client?”

“Yeah, but she creeping up on a late fee. What’s up, boo?”

I sighed.

“Oh, Lord. What he did now?”

“Girl. Told me he loved me and then freaked out.”

She inhaled dramatically until she’d sucked in all the air she could. “Bitch, it’s that mothafuckin’ yank ain’t it. How he freaked out?”

“Just haven’t been talking to me. Like the moment he said it, he completely shut down. He could have easily told me that it was a mistake because he said it after I sort of made a joke.”

“I mean yeah, he could have said that, but you wouldn’t be able to unhear it, so… what did you say? Did you say it back?”

“No. Shit, I didn’t even have a chance. I’ve barely seen him since. And when I do see him, he keeps the conversation short and sweet. I guess so I won’t talk about it. I’ve been trying to tell him that we don’t have to talk about it but shit he won’t give me the chance. I been sleeping his bed waiting for him to come home, but he either sleeps in another room or sleeps in the living room. He’s so fucking weird, but I’m glad he’s been gone because you know what’s coming up.”

“Yeah, I know. I was going to ask you how you felt because you know, you kind of have a lot going on.”

“I’m powering through. I feel terrible because I hadn’t even thought of her in the last few weeks. Shit, I feel like the only reason I thought of her was because I was journaling about it.”

“Well, Grey, that might be a good thing. A sign that you are healing. It’s okay if you don’t think of her every second of the day. It’s okay to acknowledge the day and go forward. God will never let you completely forget about her. She was a part of you.”

Tears filled my eyes. “Ugh, now why are you trying to make me cry so early in the morning? You know I can’t let these cameras catch me looking crazy. I got my shades, so I’m good.”

She laughed so hard. “I know. I want to say that I am so so so proud of you. I’m so proud to be your friend, to see you pull yourself out of your slump with everything you been through. You deserve everything.”

“I love you so much, Elle.”

“I love you too. Also, don’t worry about Big Daddy freaking out. Just go put on another show for him. Show him why he loves you anyway. Freak his old ass out even more. Do some role play for him.”

“Now, Elle, the last time I did that…” I laughed.

“Girl, he fucked up about you. Just do it. He ain’t gon’ turn you around. I have to let you go. My client coming in.” She blew kisses into the phone before hanging up.

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