"I would have loved to go to Harvard. I got in. But I almost got a full ride to the University of New Castle. I couldn't turn down that scholarship. Not when I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I would have had to pay off those loans for the rest of my life. I regret that sometimes. Being so worried about the future."
For some reason I felt the need to comfort her. To tell her she hadn't made a mistake. Because maybe we would have never met if it wasn't for that decision. But that's not what came out of my mouth. Instead, I said, "The University of New Castle's campus is actually prettier. And the people are nicer."
"They weren't nice to your brother."
"No. I guess they weren't." I felt guilty sometimes for staying. Like I was being a traitor, staying in the place that had shit all over him and Penny. But I couldn't seem to move. I couldn't go back to New York. There wasn't anything there for me. There wasn't anything for me in Newark either though. "You moved away from Newark, right?" I knew that she probably graduated last year, because I hadn't seen her since last spring. I was an observant guy.
"Yeah. I guess you could say that I needed a change. New York City seemed like a glamorous choice. I'm teaching at a school in Manhattan."
"My family is from New York. But I chose to keep my distance."
"Why?"
Why? Because I hate my parents? Because I'm jealous of James? Because I worry about him? Distance doesn't
change those things. Maybe it makes it harder. "I need to figure some stuff out on my own."
"I'm still figuring stuff out too." She laughed in the darkness. But it wasn't like her laughs from earlier. There was something sad in it. I wanted to know what it was.
I thought I'd surprise her here. I thought she'd find the gesture grand and romantic. And I'd get to finally have her. Instead, I had got beaten up. She knew how to take a fucking swing. The girl had an impressive right hook. And she hadn't just physically assaulted me. She was making me think about things I didn't want to think about. Things I avoided thinking about. And now my insides were twisting in knots. Am I avoiding my family? Am I hiding in Newark? I prided myself on truly living. Maybe I wasn't living at all.
"So, you live in Newark and I live in New York. See? It would just be this one night."
One night isn't enough. "I come to New York all the time to bother James and Penny. I'm sure I could bother one more person on my trips."
"I like plans and structure. I wouldn't be able to handle you just showing up for booty calls or whatever you'd call them. That's not what I'm looking for. At all."
Me either. I wanted her to want me. Not just for a night. I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to be needed. No one really needed me. I had my family and my friends but it wasn't the same. I wanted someone to look at me the way Penny looked at James. Maybe I needed something real. Maybe I needed a change. I was sick of sleeping around. I wanted a little of that structure that she was apparently so into.
"So, how long term are we talking about?" I asked. What the fuck did I just say?
She laughed. A real one this time. The sadness was suddenly gone. What I had just asked was ridiculous, but why did she find it so humorous? I could do long term. If I made a decision I could stick to it. Now I just wanted to prove her wrong.
"I can't handle you," she said and lightly touched the center of my chest. "And I don't think you could handle me either."
"Baby, I can definitely handle you."
"I don't think so."
"Is that a challenge?"
She laughed.
"Challenge accepted."
"It's not a challenge."
"Mhm. Well, either way, how about we just see how this weekend goes?" If she was scared of the label of a one night stand, then I'd take that off the table. It could be more. At least a few nights. Just not one. "Like I said, I'm in New York all the time. Probably as much as I'm in Newark."
"I'm not having sex with you this weekend, Rob Hunter."
Yes you will. "Fine. Just kissing."
She laughed. "I think I should swim away and we should never see each other again."
I didn't like that thought at all. And there was something in her voice that made it seem like she didn't like the idea either. Like she almost said it as a question, wondering what I was thinking. "That's going to be hard. We already have plans tonight."
"We can cancel them."