Page 44 of Third Chances (Men of Manhattan 2)

"Where are you going?"

"I want to surprise Daphne."

James smiled. "You should invite her to the wedding."

"Why would I do that? We just met. That would be ridiculously inappropriate."

"More inappropriate than screwing around with her all weekend and never talking to her again?"

"Absolutely."

"You should think about it."

"Just because you convinced Mason to settle down with Bee doesn't mean you can do it with me. I bet you're just trying to get me to date someone so that I have to stop flirting with Penny."

"I'm not trying to convince you to do anything. By the way, Penny told me that you called her your little sister the other day to cheer her up. That was really nice. It meant a lot to her."

"Yeah, yeah. Did she also tell you that I jerked off to the thought of her in the shower that night?"

James frowned.

"I didn't think so. I'm disgusting, remember? Don't start getting any ideas in your head." I wasn't sure if I said that for him or myself. Because now that the idea of me being jealous of my brother getting married was in my head, I was having a hard time forgetting about it.

Chapter 15

Daphne

This was what living was supposed to be like. I stared up at the canopy of green above us. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I let myself spin in a circle as I stared up at the parrots darting between the leaves. This was how I felt whenever I stood in front of the ocean. Small. It grounded me somehow. I fidgeted with the bracelet on my wrist, the one that I always wore. The one I hadn't taken off since I got it. It made me feel even smaller in the sight of all the beauty. Like my problems weren't significant. Like everything was how it should be.

These were the moments that made everything worth it. For some reason I wanted to cry. I stopped touching the bracelet and just stared at all the green. I didn't want to think about him. I couldn't think about him. Not now. I had been doing so well. I breathed in the musty smell of the rainforest and relished the humid air against my skin. It almost felt like I was floating amongst the trees.

"You okay, Daphne?" Alina asked.

I was pulled back down to the ground, back to the now. My legs were tired from trekking through the rainforest and I was thirsty. I tried to focus on that. It was safer to think about the now. Much safer than the future. And definitely safer than the past.

"I'm good." I looked ahead at the tour. We were falling behind. "We should probably catch up with everyone."

Alina looked over her shoulder and then back at me. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I remember all those pictures in his room growing up. I know he wanted to come here."

I shook my head. If I had wanted to cry looking up at the canopy a minute ago, I definitely wanted to cry now. No matter how much time passed, the wound never seemed to heal. I distracted myself by pulling my hair into a ponytail, getting my hair off my neck which was sticky with sweat. But I didn't need to hide how I was feeling to Alina. She knew. She understood better than anyone else.

"It's so beautiful," I said. I blinked to remove the tears from my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. "He would've loved it."

Alina put her arm around my shoulders and we started walking toward the others. She didn't say anything because there was nothing to say. Her being next to me was what I needed. A constant reminder that I was never alone.

Kristen squealed up ahead as a monkey ran in front of her. "Did you see that?" she said as she turned back to us. "It almost attacked me."

Alina laughed and squeezed my shoulder once more before catching up with everyone else, leaving me behind. I felt that bitterness seeping back into me for a second. That feeling that I was falling behind. The feeling that I actually was alone. Stop it. Alina had been my best friend since elementary school. Just because she was getting married didn't mean she'd forget about me. Kristen still had time for me even though she was dating Tim. And Layla was married, yet she was still here.

I thought about my empty apartment back home. Everything perfectly organized. I was a huge believer of the motto that everything needs a place and everything should be in said place. But I was starting to wonder where I really belonged. In my apartment alone? In my life alone? Which made my mind wander back to what Rob had said to me. In a lot of ways he was right. I did feel like I was slipping behind. All my friends were moving forward in their lives and I was just stuck. I didn't know how to let loose and have fun. I didn't like giving up control. But he didn't know why. He didn't know how much I had lost. He didn't know how scared I was.

I winced at my own thoughts. Scared? That wasn't a strong enough word. I wasn't scared; I was terrified. Terrified of being left alone. Terrified of feeling loss. Because it almost drowned me the first time. I wasn't sure if I could handle it again. So I protected myself with my endless checklists and analyzing every little thing whenever I met someone I might like. I had to protect myself because no one else would. Not anymore.

I pushed a branch out of my way. The humidity was stifling. I jogged to catch up with my friends. I didn't want to think about what I had lost right now. And I certainly didn't want to think about Rob's stupid opinions. They didn't matter. He didn't know me.

"Rob really knows his Costa Rican geography," Kristen said when I caught up to them. They had all stopped. I joined them at the side of a pristine pool of water and glanced up at the beautiful waterfall. The scene was breathtaking. I stepped forward onto one of the rocks jutting out of the water. It was slippery with mist from the waterfall or the humidity of the air, but I kept my balance as I walked closer to the water.

I had seen much bigger waterfalls, but there was something more impressive about this one. The sound of the water crashing down combined with the noises of the rainforest was all consuming. I thought being in the middle of the rainforest was amazing, but this...I felt like I belonged here. Like I was being pulled toward the waterfall. I wanted to feel the water cascading down on me.

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