Page 75 of This Is Love (The Light to My Darkness 3)

“Not if you aren’t.”

I bit the inside of my lip as I stared into his eyes. “The city is our home.”

“But it doesn’t have to be. We can move anywhere you want.”

I shook my head. “I love our apartment. And all our friends are right there.”

“All I’m concerned about is your happiness.”

“I’m happy in the city.”

He shook his head. “I’ve never seen you climb random statues in Central Park with a huge smile on your face. And I can’t remember the last time where we ate so much pizza that our stomachs hurt. Or watched a romantic comedy curled up on the couch together. Or took the time to take a walk just the two of us. Penny. I don’t want to go back if your smiles are going to disappear again.”

I swallowed hard. Maybe somewhere along the way I had forgotten that he saw me. For what I really was. What I was really thinking. Was I unhappy in New York?

“I think we should stay,” he said.

“I don’t really understand where this is coming from. We’ve done nothing but talk about bringing Liam home. Home is in New York. We’re leaving in less than an hour.”

“But we don’t have to. We can stay here. Scarlett can come join us down here.”

“Your old apartment is a bachelor pad. It’s not home.”

“If we brought all our stuff here it would feel like home. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to risk losing you.”

“Why would you lose me if we went back?”

He shook his head. “Everyone thought…I didn’t want to believe it. I told myself it couldn’t be true. But it’s been eating me alive. You remember the day you went into labor now. I wasn’t there. And after I found the note you left…I have to know. Did you try to take your own life? It’s been in the back of my mind. And it won’t go away. Penny, I need to know. I’ll do anything to make you happy and it kills me that…”

“No.” I grabbed both sides of his face. “Never.” I blinked away the tears in my eyes. “I was worried that something might happen to me. Because of my heart. I wanted to add that letter to the will so that you’d have something to hold on to. Or…” I shook my head. “A push in the right direction of letting me go. I just wanted you to keep our family whole. And happy.”

“I’m not whole or happy without you.”

“Well good, because I’m not going anywhere. And I’m sorry if I’ve seemed upset the last year or so. I mean…getting rejection letters has been hard. But you just got me a publishing deal. So I don’t really have to worry about that anymore.”

“A publishing deal that you’re not going to accept. Because it’s not what you want.”

“It is what I want. It’s everything I wanted. Not exactly the way I wanted it, no.”

“I’m so sorry, Penny.”

“It’s fine. Besides, it’s too late now.” I shook my head. “I’ll never really know if I had what it took now. But it is what I wanted. And you helped me get it.”

“Of course you’ll know. You turn down the offer I got you and keep trying.”

“Yeah but…literary agents talk. She probably pitched it to more than one publishing house. Everyone will already know that my pen name is actually me.”

“No. She worked for an imprint in London. She wouldn’t have pitched the idea to anyone else because then another publishing house could have reached out to you to offer you a better deal and cut her out. Besides, she met with me, not you. She doesn’t have rights to your story. We didn’t sign any paperwork with her. And I never mentioned your pen name. That was for you to hash out with her on your own.”

“No one knows my pen name?”

“Or your story. She only read the first few chapters.”

“Our story. It’s our story, James. Not just mine.”

“Then let’s do this our way. On our own. Self-publish it, Penny.”

“I don’t know anything about self-publishing.”

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