Page 67 of This Is Love (The Light to My Darkness 3)

Chapter 18

Wednesday - James

“Try the deep breathing again,” Dr. Young said.

I concentrated as hard as I could. Inhale. Exhale. But I was thinking about Penny running out of the room. I needed to know if she was okay. I never should have let her leave.

Dr. Young sighed and removed the wand he had been moving around in the gel. The gel that was practically scalding when he had squirted it onto my chest.

“You’re not good at this,” he said.

“Good at what?”

“Breathing. Breathing, James. Your heart is functioning fine. The reason your cardiologist has been talking about another possible surgery is because you’re going to reverse what your last surgery fixed in a matter of days at this rate. You need to calm down.”

“I am calm,” I said way too defensively for a calm person.

Dr. Young untucked his beard from his shirt. “And I’m a canary with a beard.”

I knew he was trying to make a point. But I didn’t find it funny at all. I sat up, ignoring the gel sliding down my chest.

“Your mind is getting in the way of your heart’s health.” He tapped the side of my head.

I pushed his hand away. “I’m gonna go try to find Penny.”

“Not yet you aren’t. Not till we get to the bottom of this. Come on. Hit me with more of your issues. We’ve been over your worries about your son and wife. What else do you got? I can take it. Canary can handle it.” He grinned at me.

“I have a therapist.”

“And for 22 more hours you also have me.” He sat down beside me on the exam table. “Your wife paid me good money to come see you.”

“I bet she did.”

“Are you stressed about money?”

“No.”

“I know hospital bills can add up, but…”

“I’m not stressed about money.” It was basically the one thing I wasn’t stressed about.

“If you keep going at this rate, you’ll force my hand. I’ll have to perform surgery. And your heart is still weak from your last one.”

I shook my head.

“I’m good at what I do. But you’ll die if we have to perform that surgery, James. You’ll die.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I told you about my wife and child. I’m worried about both of them. That’s it.”

“Yet your heart is still racing. There’s something else. Something else that is stressing you out.”

“I’m not stressed! I’m angry.” I could feel my heart racing just thinking about it.

Dr. Young nodded expectantly. “Good. And why are you angry?”

“Because I’m the one that fucked up when I was young. I was the one that got in fights and did drugs and got locked up. This bad karma that my family is experiencing is my fault. They didn’t do anything to deserve any of this. It’s all on me.” It’s all on me.

“Surely that was all a long time ago now. You’re not such a young man anymore. And karma isn’t real. You know that. That’s not it either. Tell me why you’re angry.”

---