Page 57 of This Is Love (The Light to My Darkness 3)

“I need another surgery. But my body isn’t strong enough right now.”

The words stopped shifting around in my head. What was he trying to say?

“I’ve tried everything.”

My breath came back in a rush. No. “Okay.” I nodded. “So you’ll have another surgery when you’ve had more time to recover. The cardiologist that’s coming tomorrow will have another look at you. We’ll figure this out. Just like we always do.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Yes it is. That’s why we’re here. To fix everything.”

“Penny. We’re here to focus on Liam. That’s why I agreed to come to Newark. That’s the only reason. The doctors here are going to fix him. And then we’re going to go home. The four of us can be together.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying. You said you need surgery. So we have to make that…”

“And I can’t have it right now. We just have to wait.”

“For what?”

He just stared at me and shook his head.

I knelt down next to him again. “For what, James?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re…you…” I couldn’t say the words. “No.”

Now he was the one holding my face, trying to get me to look at him. To understand the unspeakable.

“No, no, no.”

“Look at me,” he said. “I’m right here. Right now. We still have time.”

I lifted my eyes to his. “You can’t.” I couldn’t make myself say it. “You can’t.”

“Baby, I care more about you than I care about life itself.”

I shook my head. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.” He wiped away my tears with his thumbs. “We can enjoy whatever time we have. The four of us. It’s what you asked for.”

“I never asked for this. All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted was you.”

“And you’ll always have a piece of me. In Scarlett. In Liam. They’ll be there even if I’m not.”

He’s dying. I finally let myself think the word. Death. It rolled around in my head. Death was not an option. It felt like there was a knife in my chest. Nothing was more painful than a short life.

I was wrong before. He wasn’t the one that was breaking. I was. I had just gotten my life back. I had just remembered what we had. Only to have it ripped away from me?

No. Hell no. My husband was not going to die. My son was not going to die. Nothing was going to strip me of this life I had fought so hard to get back. That we had fought so hard for in the first place. No. “No.”

“Penny, it’s not just something you can choose not to accept…”

“Yes it is. I don’t accept it.” Earlier tonight made so much more sense. He wasn’t talking about an affair at Grottos. He was trying to tell me that he wasn’t well. But James was not dying. I wouldn’t allow it.

“Baby…”

“This is not our fate. We’re going to grow old together. We’re going to be sitting on some porch in rocking chairs with all our grandchildren surrounding us. That’s our fate. I’m sorry you’ve had to face all of this on your own. But you’re not on your own anymore. I’m right here. I’m going to take care of you.”

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