Page 29 of This Is Love (The Light to My Darkness 3)

"I'm letting Porter follow me around. They can hang out with us all the time if that's what you need."

"No, I like being alone with you." He smiled for the first time since we had sex. "I'm sorry." He sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just finally getting nervous about tomorrow too."

I ducked underneath his arm and let him wrap himself around me. "I promise I'm going to show up."

He laughed. "What about you? Is there anything you need to get off your chest before tomorrow?"

I thought about how I kept things from him before. I wasn't going to do that anymore. "I was wondering if maybe you should call your therapist? I know it's late, so in the morning maybe? To talk to him about the fact that you think you're addicted to me."

"We've already talked about it. He'll say that I'm not."

"So why don't you believe him or me?"

"Because I can't properly express how it felt when you left last night. I can't make someone understand when they don't know how it feels."

"But that's what I've been trying to tell you. I know how it feels. Because I love you."

"Your first reaction wasn't to go out and buy cocaine though."

"Only because I've never done cocaine before. Maybe it would have been. Who knows?"

James laughed. He ran his fingers through my hair. "I'll call him in the morning if it'll make you feel better."

"I just want you to go into tomorrow knowing that what we have is love," I said.

"Okay. I'll call him. Anything else?"

I hated bringing up more stuff. But I had to. This had become a night of confessions. There was no point holding back now. "At the precinct today, that cop said something about how I'd probably have to fill out a lot of restraining orders if I was marrying you. Or something like that. What have you been arrested for, James?"

"Nothing that serious."

"Just tell me the list."

"Isabella filed a restraining order against me after I beat up the guy she was screwing behind my back. She said she was scared I'd come after her next. It was ridiculous. I never laid a hand on her. She was just trying to pretend to be the victim."

"Okay." That had to be what the officer was referring too. But I wanted to hear it all. "What else?"

"Just minor things."

"Then tell me."

He released me from his embrace so he could look down at me. "It was a long time ago."

"I promise I'm not going to judge you."

"Okay." He ran his hand through his hair. "There were a few fights once or twice that got pretty ugly during summer breaks of college. I hated coming home. I was angry all the time." He shook his head. "I think I got something for peeing in a bush in Central Park once. I don't even really remember. Public drunkenness. I wrote some threatening letters to one of Jen's ex-boyfriends. He deserved it. I don't regret that at all. That was another restraining order. And I've been arrested for being in possession of drugs. Nothing since the restraining order from Isabella, though. Nothing since I've met you."

"How are you not in jail right now?"

"I have a really good lawyer. And a lot of money."

I shook my head. "So no fights recently?"

"I don't have anything to be angry about anymore."

"You punched Tyler in the face."

"Tyler fucking deserved that."

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