Page 78 of A Whirlwind of Color (The Light to My Darkness 2)

“You’re abandoning me?”

She laughed. “No. But family dinners are something you always do. Maybe it’ll trigger a memory.” She smiled. “Is it okay if I go get ready?” She was already backing away.

Maybe she wasn’t abandoning me. But it felt like she was. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Don’t worry about today. It happens to the best of us.”

I knew that wasn’t true. She had said that she had never even experienced such a big bowel movement. I sighed. I just hoped tonight would get better. I walked into the living room and froze.

The room wasn’t the same at all. There were no longer any empty hooks in the walls. There were pictures everywhere. Images of me and James. Pictures of Scarlett. Photos of us with our friends and family. Ones with all of us together. And in every single one we were all laughing and smiling.

Scarlett’s laughter drifted downstairs. It was foreign to me. Just like the pictures on the wall.

James had removed the pictures to help me ease back into my life. He had tried to erase everything we had. And I wasn’t sure why. I tried to wipe away the tears in my eyes, but they just kept coming. These images were proof of what we had. The majority of them weren’t professionally done or posed. They were candids. And I could see it on my face. I could see the love. In several photos, I wasn’t even facing the camera, I was staring at James like I adored him. Like he was the only person I ever wanted to see. Like I lived to wake up next to him. And to fall asleep in his arms at night.

“Penny?”

I turned to see him standing there, watching me. He looked happy that I was staring at the pictures. Like I was doing exactly what he had planned. And he was shirtless again. He kept doing that. It was so distracting. It was almost like he was trying to…God. I was so dumb. Of course he was trying to make me notice him. I thought about earlier when he said he just wanted for us to be friends. How angry I had gotten. He knew how to push my buttons. He knew it would turn me on. He knew me.

He hadn’t given up on us being more than friends. Because there was more than my love in those pictures. There was his love too.

But there was also one huge problem. Just because I could see the love in the pictures, it didn’t mean I felt it. Just because he knew how to trick me into wanting him, it didn’t mean I actually did. Him angering me? Him walking around without a shirt? Him putting up these pictures? He was trying to trick me into falling in love with him again. And my heart couldn’t just flip a switch and feel everything he wanted it to feel. Love didn’t work like that. He had to know that. He had to know I needed more time. Just because he knew me, it didn’t mean I knew him. Or that he understood what I was going through.

“I’m not upset about what happened with Scarlett,” he said. “I was a little at first, but it could have happened to anyone. You don’t have to cry. I’m sorry if I overreacted. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

I could see it on his face. He wanted to comfort me. But he was worried I would freak out. He was trying to keep his word. And it was killing him.

“I’m not crying about that.” I wiped my tears away. “I mean, yes, I’m sorry I wasn’t more careful. I should have known better. But I’m crying because…” I couldn’t look at him. Instead, I stared at one of the pictures of us. “I’m crying because you love me. And for some reason, you decided it would be fun to pretend you just want to be friends even though you obviously want more. And you keep doing that.” I waved at his six-pack without looking at him. “And you keep pushing my buttons. And it’s not fair that you know more about me than I know about you. You’re messing with my head.”

“Is it working?” James asked.

That was not the reaction I had expected. I was almost positive that he’d deny it. I finally made eye contact with him, just in time to see him run his fingers through his hair. “No, it's not. And that. Stop doing that.”

He laughed and lowered his hand to the side. “I don’t know what you expect me to do, Penny. I keep having new plans on how to fix everything and you keep derailing them.”

“Is that an admission that you're prancing around the house shirtless because you want to seduce me?”

“I’m not trying to seduce you. I’m actually trying to get you to want to seduce me.”

I stared at him. “Seriously? That’s the master plan I derailed?” That was never going to happen. My eyes wandered down to his six-pack. Fine. Maybe it would have happened eventually if he kept looking so amazing.

“It wasn’t that horrible of a plan. You should have seen your face earlier when I said I just wanted to be friends. You looked like you wanted to kill me.”

“I did not.”

“Yes.” He stepped closer to me. “You did. Can’t you just admit that you’re starting to fall, even if you’re not starting to remember? That kiss we shared yesterday…”

“Even if I was starting to fall for you, it’s because you’re tricking me. You’re messing with my head instead of letting me make my own decisions.”

“I’m not trying to trick you, Penny. I’m trying to jog your memory. I was trying to make you want me. And trying to push you away at the same time.” He sighed. “That’s how we started. A little give. A little pull. I thought if I acted that way, you’d remember. And I just ruined it but letting you know you already have my heart.”

The way he was looking at me made my chest hurt. “Recreating stuff doesn’t seem to help. Can’t we just…start over?” I needed a level playing field. I needed to know more about him. “I think that maybe…”

“Story time?” Scarlett said.

I jumped. I still wasn’t used to a little kid running around. Where had she even come from? She was standing behind us, hugging a book close to her chest.

“I don’t feel well,” she said. “Can I have a bedtime story?”

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