Page 59 of A Whirlwind of Color (The Light to My Darkness 2)

I could barely control my rapid breathing. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” He shook his head. “No,” he said more seriously. “I’m supposed to be taking things slowly and I…” his voice trailed off. “I’m sorry.” He started staring at the waterfall instead of me.

I wanted him to wrap his arms around me again. I wanted him to kiss my neck. I wanted all of it. But he didn’t feel the same way. I blinked fast, removing the tears from my eyes. “That’s okay. Really.” I turned away from him. There was a weeping willow close by. How appropriate. It seemed like a good place to hide away before I let my emotions take over. I walked over to it as fast as I could.

“Penny!”

I kept walking until I was hidden in the darkness of its branches. I hunched over and let the tears fall. Why

was I crying? I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my sobs. So what if he didn’t want me? I didn’t even know if I wanted him. God, that was a lie. He was sexy and handsome and thoughtful. I wanted him. He just didn’t want me back. How had this day turned everything upside down?

“Penny.”

I stood up, trying to hide my tears. I wiped them away just in time.

"Oh, Penny." He cupped my chin in his hands and lifted my face so that I'd be looking at him.

My tears were gone, but he still saw me. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m trying. Isn’t that what you wanted? I’m…”

“You’re not doing anything wrong.” He traced his thumb beneath my eyes.

“Then why won’t you kiss me?” I hated how distressed I sounded. I hated how the page had turned and I was the one that desperately wanted him.

“You think I don’t want to kiss you?” His hand slid to the side of my neck.

I stopped breathing as his fingers traced my clavicle.

He leaned forward, his lips brushing against my earlobe. “You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you. But this wasn’t where we had our first kiss.”

“It could be our first kiss…now.”

He pressed his forehead against mine. “I’m going to do this right. Because I need you to remember. I need you to remember everything.”

I breathed in his exhales. This had to be what love was. I wanted to tilt my face up to his so that our lips would touch, but I resisted. He didn’t want to kiss me like this. Had something else happened on this golf course? He had to restrain himself near the waterfall. I breathed in another of his exhales. “What did we do out here?” But I knew the answer. I didn’t have that much experience with men, but his body language all pointed to one thing.

He leaned forward slightly, pushing my back against the tree behind me. I swallowed hard.

“It’s more a question of what didn’t we do.”

There was a scene playing in my head of him grabbing my ass, lifting me up, and pushing my back against the trunk of the tree. I could picture him raising one eyebrow and thrusting his length inside of me. Filling me. I didn’t want the image to disappear. I wanted to tell him I remembered. That I remembered everything. But the fantasy disappeared as quickly as it had come, reminding me that it wasn’t a memory. I was just getting caught up in the moment. I'd always had an overactive imagination.

Thunder rolled above us. I looked up, even though the sky was hidden by a canopy of leaves. “I didn’t know it was supposed to rain tonight. I love when it rains.” I laughed. “I honestly have no idea why I said that. I don’t love the rain. It makes my hair all frizzy and Melissa always makes fun of these bright red rain boots I wear whenever it rains.” I smiled. I could picture her look of distaste so easily.

James’ eyes searched mine, like he was waiting for something.

“She doesn’t like them because she thinks they’re the epitome of un-sexiness.” My rambling nonsense was filling the awkward tension and I couldn’t seem to stop talking. “But you try walking around on wet brick in flip-flops. You wouldn’t guess it, but they get so slippery. It’s like walking on ice. The one time Melissa convinced me not to wear my rain boots, I almost slid to my death.”

He pulled away from me.

I guess that’s not what he was waiting for me to say. Who would be waiting for me to talk about wet, slippery bricks? I’m so bad at this.

“I want to show you something else.” He put his hand out for me.

The thunder rolled again. “What is it?” I didn’t hear the rain yet, but I knew it was coming. And even though I said I hated the rain, every inch of me wanted it to pour. I couldn’t explain it. Maybe my first reaction was right. Maybe I loved the rain now. But why?

“Penny, I’m asking for you to trust me.”

I did trust him. And even though the thought was terrifying, I put my hand into his.

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