Page 57 of A Whirlwind of Color (The Light to My Darkness 2)

“It does to me.” I stared at him, willing him to tell me his story. I wanted to know everything about him, yet nothing at all.

He sighed and broke his eye contact with me. “She tried to have me killed.”

“On our wedding night?” I knew that he had been shot on our wedding night, but I didn’t know the story. His ex-wife? Seriously? That was insane.

“She was a monster.”

I bit the inside of my lip. I had just thought of myself as a monster. Was I the same as his ex-wife? I shook away the thought. I had never tried to kill anyone. I was just tiptoeing around breaking James’ heart.

“And when she didn’t succeed, she came after you. Briggs shot and killed her when she attacked us again.”

I swallowed hard. Apparently my life was always in danger when I was with him. “So you’re not cheating on me?” I didn’t even know why those words spilled out. Maybe it was the wine. But maybe I truly wanted to know how strong our relationship was.

“Penny, I would never, ever cheat on you. You’re my whole world. I swear to you, I have always been faithful. I’ve never ever thought about cheating on you. All I ever think about is you. You’re it for me. As soon as I met you, my heart was yours.”

He was staring at me so intently I felt like I was going to combust. I wasn’t sure what compelled me to do it, but I reached my foot out and rubbed it against his shin. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to taste him. I wanted to see every inch of him. Fuck, what am I doing? I was about to move away when James reached under the table and put his hand on my thigh.

His touch made me feel numb, yet set my whole body on fire at the same time. God, he owned me. I didn’t remember a thing about him, but his touch possessed me. My body remembered him, even though my mind didn’t.

I swallowed hard. “James.” I stared at him. “I don’t…I’ve never…” This wasn’t coming out right. My mind was screaming at me to excuse myself to the restroom to try and clear my head. But I couldn’t deny the fact that my body desperately wanted him. I wanted to beg him to make love to me. I wanted to know what it felt like. I wanted him to ruin me for anyone else.

But Jerrod killed the moment. He walked in with the food and I immediately removed my foot. I retreated back to my side of the table like it had never happened. It was like I had closed a curtain on the idea of us being intimate. And I hated myself for it. Because my dream of him? I wanted to live each second of it.

Chapter 22

Sunday

I took a bite of the crab cakes before Jerrod even left the room. "This is amazing." I had completely forgotten the heated moment we had shared. I took another bite of the crab cake.

"You’ve never what?" James asked.

I finished chewing. "Nothing.” I had a moment of weakness. I just wanted to enjoy my meal, not talk about the fact that I had never been in love before.

“You can tell me.” He wasn’t eating, he was just staring at me, holding his empty fork in the air.

I took another bite to stall. He had no idea how hard this was for me. But what did it matter if I told him the truth? “I’ve never been in love,” I blurted out. “I mean, no one’s ever made love to me.” What the actual fuck?

His fork clattered against his plate as it fell.

“I mean…God, I don’t know what I mean.”

“Believe me wh

en I tell you that I’ve made love to you, Penny. Countless times. In every possible way.”

I was pretty sure my whole face was red.

“It kills me that you don’t remember. All I want to do is remind you.”

He was making me wet with just his words. I remembered him pressed against me in my dream. I remembered running my fingers through his hair. It was like I had actually felt his lips grazing the side of my neck. And like I truly knew what it was like for him to whisper dirty things into my ear. “Why haven’t you?” My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst through my ribcage. “You haven’t even kissed me.”

His eyes lowered to my lips again. “Trust me, I’ve wanted to. It’s all I can think about.”

I felt my face begin to flush. I hoped he thought it was because of the fire. I had been wondering if sex was at all on his mind. He said he had made love to me countless times. In every way imaginable. I still barely knew him, but I knew a part of me wanted him. I had no doubt that it would be the best sex of my life. It wouldn’t even be comparable to anything I had with Austin. Austin was like a jackrabbit. He always finished in just a few minutes. I didn't even know what an orgasm felt like. But maybe I was about to.

There was just one problem. I had no idea how to get what I wanted. Zero experience in asking. Austin always just…took. And took. And took. He gave me nothing in return. I knew I deserved better. I just didn’t know what better was. I stared at James. Maybe better was sitting right in front of me. Perfection in human form. My eyes dropped to the neckline of his dress shirt. I’d seen a glimpse of his abs of steel a couple nights ago, a perfect match to the rest of his hard features. But I wanted to see more of him. Why was I fighting this? There was no better fantasy than him.

“What do you want, Penny?”

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