Page 73 of A Whirlwind of Color (The Light to My Darkness 2)

“She has red hair. It’ll be hard to lose her.”

“It’s more than that. When she gets grumpy in the afternoon it’s because she needs a snack. And not just any snack. She likes the little fruit ones that come in the blue bags. And she’s obsessed with panda bears. She always asks a million questions about panda bears at the zoo and doesn’t understand why they don’t have one here. We always tell her one is coming soon because it makes her happy.”

“So you’re worried I’m going to tell her the truth about pandas not coming to the zoo here? That’s what you’re worried about? Letting the truth about that slip is probably for the best.”

“You don’t get it, Penny. You can’t just jump in and be a parent.”

“I don’t know what you want from me then. This is what you asked me to do.”

He pressed his lips together. “You’re right. Being a good mom is all I’ve asked from you. But…” his voice trailed off. He ran his hand through his hair and looked away from me.

But what? I wanted him to say he was wrong for asking that. Because it wasn’t all he wanted. He wanted me too.

“It would make me more comfortable if you let me come with you.” He was still not looking at me.

That wasn’t what he was about to say. He was about to say something heartfelt and real. And he replaced it with nonsense. I wasn’t going to lose our kid. And I wasn’t going to randomly tell her all sorts of stuff that didn’t align with our parenting decisions. I was trying to win Scarlett over, not upset her. “I’m giving you a free pass to do whatever you want this afternoon. For a few hours you don’t have to worry about kids and obligations. I’m trying to do something nice for you.” I emphasized the last words because I wanted him to know that I cared. That a part of me came back for him too.

“Will you at least ask Melissa if she’ll go with you?”

“Sure.” Now that was a sugg

estion I could get behind. This was going to be fun. “If you tell me what you were about to say before. You said being a good mom is all you've asked from me. But…your voice trailed off. What were you going to say?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Honestly, it doesn’t matter. Anything I say will just make this worse.”

“This as in us?” I asked. He wasn’t the only one aware of the fact that we were having a conversation standing several feet away from each other. He wasn’t the only one that wanted the distance to close.

“I’m doing the best I can. I made you a few promises, and I’m trying to stick by them. That’s what you want, right? For me to keep my distance?”

Now was my chance. I could tell him I wanted to kiss him again. That I wanted to wake up in his arms. That I wanted my dreams of him to become a reality. “James, I have no idea what I want.” Not true. You’re a liar, Penny!

“Well, I know what I want.” His gaze dropped to my lips. “And that’s why it’s good I made you those promises. Because our ideas of what this is between us couldn’t be more different.” He looked back up at my eyes. “We’ll be friends. Nothing more. And as a friend, I hope you have fun today. Thanks for the break.” He didn’t say it sarcastically, but I heard it that way.

Yesterday on our date he stared at me like he loved me. I felt like he loved me. And today it felt like he didn’t care one way or the other whether I stayed or went. No, that wasn’t true. It felt like he hated me. Like he wished I was out of his house and out of his life for good.

“Porter and Briggs will accompany you too.” His voice was all formal now. Any trace of emotion from earlier was completely gone. “I assume you’ll be out for lunch. Will you be back by dinner?”

“Do you want me back for dinner?” I felt juvenile and stupid. He had confessed his love every which way. And I had told him to stop. I had messed all of this up. Yet I was the one that was angry at him. I could clear it up. I could tell him I wanted to be more than friends. But my mouth wouldn’t open except for stupid snide remarks I didn’t mean.

“It’s whatever you want, Penny. I just want to know so I don’t worry.” His gaze dropped to my lips again for just a moment. I would have missed it if I hadn’t been looking.

I shook my head. I doubt he’d worry with Porter and Briggs following us all day. “Ellen said she was cooking. So we’ll be back for dinner.”

“Good. I’ll see you around 6 then.”

“Fine.”

“Great.” He walked away without another word.

Again I found myself staring at his ass. My stomach twisted in a knot. That whole conversation had been angry and hostile and…hot. Hot? Why the hell did I think him being pissed off was sexy? But God, it was. I wanted to grab the back of his neck and pull him into a kiss. And rip his clothes off. And bite his skin. I wanted to know what it actually felt like for him to thrust inside of me.

God. What the hell is wrong with me? I had completely lost my mind.

Chapter 28

Monday

“And that’s a red one like me,” Scarlett said and pointed to the red panda with her free hand. Her other hand was holding Melissa’s. It had been ever since we had left the apartment. Scarlett would barely look at me. At least it seemed like Melissa had forgiven me for running away. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if they both hated me.

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