Page 66 of A Whirlwind of Color (The Light to My Darkness 2)

James said they needed me. But who was I kidding? I could barely take care of myself. I had run away from home like a child. I still felt like a kid myself. My last memories were from when I was a teenager. I wanted kids someday, but way way in the future. I bit the inside of my lip.

“She’s sound asleep.”

I looked up at James. He was holding a pillow and a folded set of sheets. He was making good on his word to sleep in a separate bed. Just like he had been making good on his promises by not touching me for the rest of the evening.

“I can sleep in the guest room,” I said. “Really, I don’t mind.”

He shook his head. “That’s okay. You’ll be more comfortable upstairs.”

Wouldn’t he be too? But he didn’t look like he wanted to negotiate. Actually, it didn’t look like he wanted to talk at all. I shrugged my shoulders. “Thank you for today. For trying to remind me.”

“If you need anything, I’ll be down the hall.”

“Okay.”

He took a step and then stopped. “Sometimes when Scarlett’s scared, she climbs into bed with us. But I told her I’d be down here, so she shouldn’t be bothering you.” He looked over his shoulder toward the stairs. “It might be best if you lock the door, just in case she forgets.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”

He nodded. “I’m going to head to bed.”

I wanted to ask him what happened to us. I wanted to know if I was still really in danger. But he looked so tired. And sad. I knew how badly he wanted to walk away right now. So I needed to let him. The pit in my stomach kept growing. “Goodnight, James.”

His eyes locked with mine. “Goodnight, Penny.” He waited the briefest of moments before dropping his gaze down to the blankets in his arms and walking away.

I knew he was hoping a switch would go off in my head. That I’d suddenly remember. I wanted to remember. For my kids. Maybe for him too.

The apartment felt empty and cold when he disappeared down the hall. I wrapped my arms around myself. I hadn’t even realized I was shivering. And I had the oddest feeling that if things didn’t change, I’d always feel this cold and alone. But how could I change them when I barely understood the woman I had become.

I brushed away a tear as I made my way up the stairs. One of the doors that had been previously locked was open. I tiptoed toward it, almost afraid of what I’d see on the other side.

But it was just Scarlett’s bedroom. A nightlight was pretty bright in the small room, casting way more light than shadows. She was already sound asleep, hugging a stuffed animal close to her chest. I smiled. When I was little, I used to always sleep with a stuffed animal too. And with a nightlight. I was basically scared of the dark until high school.

I watched her peaceful little face. And I felt drawn to her. Like a piece of my heart belonged tucked against her chest instead of that stuffed animal. It was the oddest sensation when I didn’t even know her. Maybe my heart

remembered even though my head didn’t. I hoped that was true. I hoped that I was able to connect with her.

Scarlett sniffled in her sleep and turned away from me. I tiptoed back out of the room and stared at the door next to hers in the hall. I walked over and tried to turn the knob, but it was still locked. I had my suspicions of what it was. Liam’s room. A cute little nursery for a baby that might never even see it.

I let go of the knob and wiped away more tears. My family was broken. I needed to figure out how to fix it. I had to try.

Chapter 25

Monday

Despite what James said about our room being more comfortable, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned for hours until I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed fresh air. Maybe a walk or a run. But that was probably out of the question. I shoved the blankets off and climbed out of bed.

There were still towels all over the bathroom floor where I had let the tub overflow. My note had even been on the vanity last night, mocking me. James had left everything in disarray when he came to find me. Or maybe he wanted me to see this. To remind me to stop being selfish. I knew I had been. I didn’t need a reminder.

Either way, I wanted today to be a fresh start for all of us. I grabbed the towels off the floor and headed downstairs. The last time I had done laundry, I was paying for it with quarters in my dorm. Nothing nearly as fancy as the washer and dryer here. I turned a bunch of knobs and prayed I was doing it right. The last thing I wanted was to cause any more trouble. Or water damage.

As I waited for the laundry to finish, I stared out at the skyline. The city lights were starting to dim as the sun rose. The park in the distance looked even prettier at dawn. Maybe I could get used to this. Apparently I had before. I just needed to remember.

James had mentioned a book that I had written. I had always wanted to write a book. Was it any good? I glanced down the hall. Where would it be? Probably in an office if I had one. I abandoned my view in search of the documents that would reveal everything I had forgotten.

After a few wrong turns, I walked into a beautiful library. Floor to ceiling books. Every inch of shelf space was covered. There was even a fancy stone fireplace to one side. I felt like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I turned in a circle, taking it all in.

There was a small desk in the corner. A notebook was sitting on top of the desk, but I wasn’t sure if it was mine. It said Ivy Smoak on the front and there was an outline of sorts. It did look like my handwriting. A pen name, perhaps? Why would I want a pen name? I had never disliked my name. But I had a different name now. Penny Hunter. It was going to take me a lifetime to get used to it. Hunter. Mrs. Hunter. God, it didn’t even sound good. I sat down in the office chair.

---