Page 89 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. And even though it feels like the world has stopped, it hasn't. Because despite what you think, there is so much light in this world. There's so much light in you.

Remind Scarlett that I love her. Tell our son I wished I could have met him. And find a new love for yourself. You've always been stronger than you realized. But it's okay to lean on your family and friends. Let them help you. Let them in. Don't shut out everyone who cares about you. Because despite how it feels, you are not alone. You're strong. You're good. You're whole. You're loved. You are so loved, James.

Now smile,

Penny

I wiped away the tears on my cheeks and pressed the print button. The printer whirred to life. And then I was left with one sheet. One sheet that felt like it held the weight of the world. My family's future and wellbeing all depending on James listening to this. I folded the paper, put it in an envelope, and sealed it. I wrote James on the front and set it back down on my desk.

I had asked him to keep living once. He had denied my request. Then I had begged him to not move on. He had accepted my request. I just hoped that him reading this would nullify anything else we had talked about. That he'd be able to read this and know it's what I truly wanted. He had to know.

I stood up from my computer and stretched. Tomorrow, I'd deliver the letter to our lawyer. He could file it away. And hopefully James would never have to read it. I wandered out of my office and up the stairs, exhausted, yet knowing that sleep wouldn't come. I struggled when James was gone. It was hard to sleep without his arms around me. Without him whispering he loved me before bed. I tried not to think about the roles being reversed. And how hard it would be to keep living without him. Because, honestly, I had given up on life when he almost died. I thought my heart would stop beating the moment his did. Even though I was pregnant. Even though I wanted to keep the memory of him alive. I just hoped

to God that he was stronger than me.

I crawled into bed, pulled the covers up to my chin, and stared at the ceiling. The smell of James on the shirt I was wearing just made me more aware of the fact that he wasn't beside me. I rolled over onto my side. My son immediately started kicking my ribcage. Ow. The time on the alarm clock stared back, mocking me. Sleep wasn't going to come like this. I pushed the covers off of myself and made my way back downstairs.

A shiver ran down my spine as I stepped off the bottom stair. For some reason the image of Rob lying unconscious at the base of the staircase popped into my head. The pool of blood. Isabella holding the gun. I swallowed hard and made my way into the kitchen. Maybe Axel was right. Maybe it was scary down here. Or maybe my mind was too preoccupied by killer snakes.

"What's wrong? Are you hungry?" I said into the nothingness. "Is that why you won't let me sleep?"

I opened up the fridge and stared at the contents. But I wasn't hungry. Ow. I put my hand on the center of my chest. No, not this again. I closed the refrigerator door. It's just in my head. I made my way back up the stairs, clutching the handrail whenever the sharp pain returned. I'm okay. When I finally reached the bed, I curled up on James' side.

"We're okay," I said into the silence, even though pools of tears were forming in my eyes. It felt like it had the night James and I had fought about dishes. When I had fallen asleep on the floor because it hurt too much to reach the bed. It's just in my head. I curled into a ball. We're okay.

Chapter 31

Monday

"Scar's at Hunter Tech?" I asked as I poured myself a glass of orange juice.

"She refused to go home," Daphne said through the phone. "She wanted to go to the office with Rob."

I set my glass down on the counter and sighed. "I'll go get her now."

"It's fine. Rob said it was a light day at the office anyway. He'll bring her by around lunchtime."

"Are you sure? I don't want her ruining his day." And I strongly doubted that it was a light day. If it was, he probably would have accompanied James to London.

"Scarlett's a doll. She doesn't ruin anyone's day."

A doll? I wasn't so sure about that. I could picture her spilling coffee all over Rob's desk and throwing papers around for fun. "I think I'm going to go get her."

"You're supposed to be on bed rest," Daphne said.

"You sound like a mother."

"I guess that's what happens when you become a mother yourself. Is James coming home soon?"

"Mhm. His flight is supposed to arrive this afternoon. So I'll have my whole family back soon."

Daphne laughed. "You didn't enjoy your night off?"

I thought about the will sitting on my desk. "Not really. This place is a little big for one person."

"Well, the whole gang will be back soon. Now go get in bed."

"Okay, geez. Thanks for watching Scar last night."

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