Page 10 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

"James, before you say anything, I just want you to know that I'm sorry about last night. But I thought when you took Scarlett to wash up that it meant I needed to clear the dishes. And it got me thinking about when I was pregnant with her and you barely let me lift a pillow, let alone do any cleaning. After the doctor told us about my heart murmur, I thought you'd be even more concerned. But honestly, it seems like you don't care." I was trying to fix the problem, but apparently my mouth just wanted to make it worse. "We barely even talked about it. We just agreed that we'd keep it between us and that I'd start taking it easy after Bee and Mason's wedding. That was it. You never asked if I was okay. Or if I was scared." I felt my lip trembling. "And then I had to find out from Bee that you told Mason and who knows who else. Which was embarrassing for me. I really didn't want anyone else to know about my health problems. I don't want anyone worrying about me, especially when it seems like the person I'm closest to doesn't even care." I wanted to poke him in the middle of the chest but I didn't want to make him any angrier. Instead, I placed my hand on the counter to steady myself. "It doesn't even seem like Scarlett needs me anymore. She only ever wants you." I started to cry big, ugly tears. "And, God, James, I'm not okay. I'm so scared." I put my hand over my mouth, effectively silencing myself from the words that wouldn't seem to stop.

He immediately wrapped his arms around me and didn't say a word.

"Say something," I sobbed into his chest.

He ran his hand up and down my back.

"Say anything, James."

"I don't want you to give Scarlett a bath because I don't want you to strain when you pick her up to put her into the tub. And I don't want you doing dishes or lifting pillows."

My laugh was muffled by his shirt.

"And I didn't want to talk to you about any of this because I didn't want you to worry about me being worried. I was trying to be strong for you. But I'm scared too. Does that help? I'm terrified every day that the baby I put inside of you is going to kill you."

Those were the words that I needed to hear. They were morbid. And horrible. I swallowed hard. But that was the truth I needed to hear.

"And I'm mad at you for not following Dr. Nelson's advice. He didn't say to start bed rest in a week. He said now, Penny."

I leaned back and put my hands on either side of his face. "And Dr. Nelson also said that he didn't necessarily mean I needed to lie in bed all day. He said to take it slow. Relax. No stress." I stared into his eyes.

He lowered both eyebrows. "Are you saying that I'm causing you extra stress?"

"By not talking to me? By snapping at me instead of saying what's actually bothering you? By pushing me away? Yes. I'm already worried about losing my son, I don't want to have to worry about losing you too."

He pulled my face back into his chest. "We're not going to lose this baby. And you're not going to lose me. And Scarlett does need you. She's just going through a phase."

I knew he was sorry. I could feel it in the way he was holding me. "I know, I'm sorry. And the baby and I are both fine," I said into his shirt. "We just had a checkup. We're both healthy." I said the words for myself as much as I did for him.

"Your heart is leaking." James' voice sounded strained.

"My very healthy heart is leaking." I could feel him shaking his head above me.

"How about we cancel our plans tonight," he said. "We can get my dad to take Scarlett for the rest of the day. Then we can spend some time relaxing, just us."

"Scarlett will crash after hanging out with her friends all evening anyway. Then we can have some much needed alone time."

"If we can get everyone out of here. Why does it seem like whenever we have company they never leave?"

"Because we're so much fun to hang out with," I said.

He laughed and pulled back so he could look down at me. "How about you spend the day in bed until our company comes? It'll make me feel a lot better."

"I swear, James. I'll go crazy sitting in bed alone all day."

"Who said anything about being alone? Maybe you and Scarlett can draw or something while I read your manuscript?"

My stomach felt like it flipped over, and for once it wasn't because my son was being poorly behaved. I had forgotten I told James he could read my novel. Now that he was actually going to, I was incredibly nervous. "You want to read it today?"

"I want to at least start reading it today."

"Maybe we should all draw together? You know how much Scarlett loves your stick figures."

James laughed. "No, I know how much you love making fun of them."

"That's because you're so good at everything except for drawing. Your stick figure proportions are completely ridiculous. I can't not make fun of you."

"You're trying to change the subject."

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