Page 49 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

Chapter 18

Thursday

"James, what are you doing?" I put my hand out to block the lens of the video camera he was holding. I had just collapsed onto the couch aft

er getting the least amount of butterflies in my net. And I was sweaty and gross from the exertion.

James continued filming me.

"Really, James." I held up my other hand, hoping it was enough.

"Scarlett, go tickle Mommy," he said.

I started laughing as soon as Scarlett jumped onto my lap. I laughed even harder when Axel hit me in the back of the head with a pillow and Sophie joined in on the tickling session. "Cut it out, you guys!" I said through fits of giggles. It took me several minutes to get all three kids back on the ground.

James stepped closer to me with the camera. What was he doing? I picked up one of the throw pillows and tossed it at him.

He laughed and caught it in his free hand before joining me on the couch. I grabbed the camera out of his hands and pointed the lens at him. "You thought it would be fun to film me not being able to breathe?" I was staring into the little monitor on the camera. I slowly zoomed up on his face.

"No," he said.

Something about the way he said no made me look back up at him instead of at the screen.

"I just wanted to capture your laughter on film."

The same chill that Scar had given me when she was talking about snakes ran back down my spine. Did everyone think I was doomed? I looked back down at the screen on the video camera. "Why?" I asked. For some reason not staring directly at him made my question easier. I watched his eyebrows lower on the screen. I watched a dark expression cross over his face, one that I had never seen before. Again I felt a chill down my spine.

"Because I wanted to capture my favorite sound. It's the only thing that truly makes me happy," he said slowly.

I looked back up at him. He wanted to capture my laughter on film. So that when I died, he could listen to it? I swallowed hard. I wasn't going to die. I was going to live long enough to see my daughter lie again. And to keep seeing him laugh. I looked down at the camera. "I don't think that's true, James," I said as I slowly got up off the couch. "Get 'em kids!"

The three kids launched themselves on James and started tickling him. His laughter rippled through the awkward silence his words had left. I looked down at the camera and smiled. That sound made me happy too. But so did Scarlett's laughter. And Soph's. And Axel's. Before I gave birth to my son, I'd need James to promise me what he currently refused to promise. I refused to go into labor before he promised me that he would keep living if I stopped. That he would keep laughing. That he would keep our children smiling.

I switched off the camera and joined in on the tickle fight.

***

My chest hurt again. The pain was keeping me up. Or maybe it was something else. I just had this eerie feeling ever since Scarlett had mentioned that a snake was going to take me away. I had read that book probably a dozen times and seen the movie half as many. The snake talked to Harry. Was Scar hearing voices?

James turned away from me in his sleep. I propped myself up on my elbow and stared at him. He was always so happy around Scar. Why did she fear that he wouldn't be a good father if I was gone? It didn't make any sense. I reached out and traced James' tattoo with my finger. The pulse. The reminder that his heart beat for me. But our family was three now, instead of two. And it was about to grow to four. He should have Scarlett's birth date under the date he met me. His heart beat for all of us. I let my fingers fall from his skin.

"Penny," he breathed out, like he felt the absence of my touch.

"Promise me." The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. But I had spoken them in a whisper. At first, I thought he may not have even heard me. Or maybe he just didn't remember what I was asking of him.

He rolled over so that he was facing me. "No." He looked completely alert, like he hadn't been sleeping at all. His mind must have been tossing and turning as much as mine.

"But Scarlett..."

"She looks just like you," he said, cutting me off. As if that was a reasonable response.

"She has your eyes." I reached out and gently touched the side of his face. "I don't understand your point."

He smiled and turned his head to kiss my palm. "I'm worried that if something happens to you, I won't be able to look at her."

"Don't say that." I turned his face back to mine.

He pressed his lips together. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

---