Page 40 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

James frowned and turned his attention back to me. At first I thought he was upset by what Scarlett had said. But he looked upset with me.

"What's wrong? I had already told her no. We really need to talk to her about lying again." I walked past him and back into our bedroom. I tossed my sandals on my suitcase.

"Penny, we discussed traveling with the doctor. I thought this was already settled. You're not going anywhere."

I turned back toward him. "What?"

"We're not going."

"James." I laughed, because he must have been kidding. "I thought you were talking about London. Driving a few hours to the beach is hardly traveling."

"We're. Not. Going."

I swallowed hard. The way he said it was as condescending as it was sexy. But I was way more focused on the condescending aspect of his statement. "Yes we are. I'll be sitting down in the car. And sitting on the beach. It's practically bed rest."

"I already called them and told them we couldn't come. This discussion is over."

Like hell it is. "You canceled without asking me?"

"The doctor said..."

"James, I'm Bee's matron of honor! I have to be there." Why was he acting like this?

"And you're my wife. What's more important to you?"

How could he even ask me that? I swallowed down the lump in my throat. "So that's it? You want me to sit around for two months while you fly off to God knows where and abandon me?"

He shook his head. "Jesus, Penny. I'll be gone for two days. Three tops. Why do you insist on pushing yourself? Why can't you just stay still for once?"

Suddenly it felt like the weight of the world had fallen on my shoulders. Honestly, I wasn't upset about his tone. I knew he was doing it because he cared. I wasn't even upset that he had made the decision not to go without asking me. It was so much deeper than that. I blinked away my tears. "Because what if this is it, James?" My voice cracked. "What if I go into labor and the stress on my heart is too much and I die on that table?" I voiced my fears and hearing them out loud was so much worse than thinking about them in my head.

He took a step toward me, but I held up my hand.

"What if these are my last two months? Time doesn't stand still just because I have to."

"Baby."

"And I'm so scared about what'll happen once I'm gone. Everyone will forget about me. Scarlett won't even remember me, she's too young. All I have is a stupid book that no one wants to fucking read. That's my legacy."

"Nothing is going to happen to you."

"But what if it does?" I wiped my tears away with my hands. "You have to promise me you'll keep living. Promise me you'll keep your heart open."

"No." He said it so matter-of-factly, I could have thought he was responding to a simple question about if he wanted Chinese food for dinner.

"James." God, he was so exasperating. "Just promise me."

He ignored my outstretched hand and pulled me into his arms. "No. I will never fall for someone new. You're it for me, Penny. You're everything. My heart will stop beating the second that yours does."

"That's very romantic, but what about Scarlett? What about this baby? They'll be relying on you. You have a family that needs you."

He shook his head.

"Promise me, James."

"I'm not going to make you a promise that I can't keep. I don't know how to live without you. So you're just going to have to keep living, baby. And that means no trip to the beach. It's not worth risking your health."

"Fine. I'll agree to no bachelorette party. But you have to agree to my request too. Your heart will in fact keep beating once mine stops." I put my hand on the center of his chest. "And I'm asking you to please be willing to keep it open to love. Our kids will need you to smile and laugh and maybe, just maybe, find someone to share all that joy with."

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