Page 34 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

He put his hand over the receiver and turned toward me. "Penny, does your chest still hurt or not?"

I wasn't going to lie to him. "Yes, it hurts."

He gave me that stern look that always seemed to silence me and continued his conversation on the phone.

I tuned out his harsh words and leaned against the wall. I felt bad for the person on the other end of the line. The tone he was using could make someone feel like ice. I put my hands on my stomach and took a long, slow breath. We're okay.

When James was done on the phone, he turned back to me. "They couldn't fit you in for an appointment until Wednesday. I'll make a few calls and find someone a little more accommodating."

"Dr. Wells is the best cardiologist in the city. It's why we saw him in the first place. If he thinks this issue can wait until Wednesday, I'm sure it can."

"He told us that we should go to the ER in the meantime."

"And we did." I gestured to our surroundings. "Now we can wait until Wednesday."

"I don't..."

"Please, James. I'm tired. I just want to go home." I hated this hospital. Being here reminded me of when James was hurt. It reminded me of the feeling of almost losing him. The sterile smell in the air put a picture of Isabella in my mind. Her cold stare. Her taunting words. The gun in her hand. I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

James pressed his lips together, like he had something to say but was holding himself back.

I looked up into his brown eyes. "Please."

Something in his eyes seemed to soften. He nodded and wrapped his arm behind my back. We slowly walked out of the hospital and into the sunshine.

For the first time this summer, I was happy for the heat. It was the only thing that could take the cold feeling of the hospital out of my bones.

Chapter 13

Tuesday

Sleep evaded me. My eyes traveled along the sharp line of James' jaw. I pressed my lips together as my gaze wandered over his parted lips. He was snoring lightly. He only did that when he was truly exhausted. Was he losing sleep over me? The past few days he had felt distant. Did he lay awake staring at me too? I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through his hair, but something held me back.

Five years ago, if I hadn't been able to sleep, I would have climbed on top of him and made him lose sleep too. There was something so pure about feeling his need for me with him barely being awake. His eyes opening, heavy with lust. I loved that. I loved him.

I swallowed hard. I wanted to climb on top of him right now. But I had a feeling he'd push me aside. He'd tell me I needed rest. He'd roll over so I couldn't even study his face while I was unable to sleep. When had we stopped making love in the middle of the night? When had we stopped letting passion overcome us?

I thought things might change once Scarlett was born. In a lot of ways they had. But James had still looked at me like he preferred me naked. Now he just looked at me like he preferred me in a wheelchair. He was worried about me. I understood that. It didn't mean I didn't miss that look, though. The one that made my knees weak. The one that could take my mind off all my worries. I needed that look right now. Couldn't he see how much I needed him?

But instead of reaching for him, I slowly climbed out of bed. His distance worried me. I looked down at the worn, stretched out t-shirt I was sleeping in. Maybe I needed to try a little harder. I pulled off the shirt and grabbed my silk robe from a hook on the door. I slid my arms into the sleeves and tied the sash tight. James stayed perfectly still in the bed. He used to swear he couldn't sleep without me by his side. Now he looked a little more comfortable with the extra room to spread out.

I turned away from our bed and headed into the hall. My feet stopped outside

of Scarlett's bedroom. I leaned against the doorjamb as I watched her sleeping peacefully, her favorite stuffed animal held tight in her arms. No worries. No concerns. So peaceful. Whenever I saw her sleeping, I was always so tempted to lift her into my arms. I used to sing her to sleep every night. But now she preferred bedtime stories from James. My little girl was growing up. Hell, it already seemed like she was falling in love. Would time keep speeding up like this? Would I be looking at my son sleeping in a few years and wonder what happened to the time? I ran my hand across my stomach. I hoped I'd be so lucky.

I sighed and walked back into the hall. My feet tread lightly down the stairs. Writing always made me feel better. Maybe I could take another stab at the second book of my series. I grabbed my laptop off my desk and wandered into the kitchen. A late night snack couldn't hurt either. I switched on my computer, picked up a banana out of the basket on the counter, and sat down in one of the stools.

The light from the computer screen gave the kitchen an eerie glow. I stared at the first paragraph of my second book.

"My stomach was in knots. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't seem to focus in class. Every day that I saw Professor Hunter I had this pathetic hope that things would somehow be the way they were before. But it never happened. He wouldn't even look at me. It was like I didn't exist."

I took a bite of my banana and rested my chin in my hand. Every day James dressed in a pair of pants that hugged his ass perfectly and a shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing his strong forearms. He made his way to NYCU to teach. He had students that adored him. He was finally truly happy. And every day I wished he'd turn around and teach me a few things instead. Was I really jealous of his current students? It's not like I thought he was falling in love with some 19 year old in the back row of his class. Maybe I just missed that forbidden dynamic between us. I missed when his eyes begged me to call him Professor Hunter. When it turned him on just a little bit more. The only time I ever called him that now was when I was writing about it from the past.

"Is that how you feel?" James said from behind me.

I choked on the banana in my mouth and slammed my laptop shut. "What?" I turned around to face him.

Without the glow from the computer screen, the room was now dark. But the look in his eyes was unmistakable. It was the one that I had been missing. My eyes wandered down his abs to the V of his waist. The rest of him was hidden underneath a pair of loose sweatpants. His impressive bulge, however, was quite visible through the fabric.

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