Page 32 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

He didn't realize that it was hard to look at him like this. That looking at him made me feel like I was slipping away. Is that how I looked on our wedding day? When I watched his body collapse onto the ground? Was I dying too? The panic rising to my chest made the ache between my ribs increase.

"He's not kicking." The words that slipped out of my mouth terrified me. When was the last time I felt him kick?

"What?" James' hand slid down to my stomach.

"He always kicks me when I'm upset. Why isn't he kicking me?" Please let my baby be okay.

PART 2

Chapter 12

Sunday

I tightened my grip on James' hand.

The wand swept across my stomach once again. Dr. Nelson shifted in his seat and leaned closer to the monitor.

I looked up at James.

He gave me a tight smile. No fake optimism. No promise that everything was okay.

The silence was unnerving. Where were my son's heartbeats? Where was that tiny thudding noise that put a smile on my face? If I gripped James' hand any tighter my nails would surely have drawn blood. Would he notice? Would either of us notice a pain greater than this silence ever again?

I looked back at the monitor and counted my own heartbeats echoing in my ears. Could they beat for him? Please, please, baby boy. Please be okay.

Silence.

It felt like my whole world was slipping away. He was healthy. How could he just...stop? I felt the trickle of a tear run down my cheek. Now I was begging for his kicks. Begging for any sign that his tiny heart hadn't given out. Please.

"Oh, there we are," Dr. Nelson said.

I breathed out a sigh of relief and let my head flop down onto the pillow.

James placed a kiss on the back of my hand.

"A nice steady heartbeat. The baby is fine." He removed the wand from my stomach and handed me a towel to wipe off the jelly-like substance left behind.

"So he's okay?" I asked.

The doctor nodded. "You're both perfectly healthy."

"The nurse that came in said her heart rate and blood pressure were elevated. She mentioned that Penny might need medication for that."

"Well, that nurse was mistaken. Any medication we put her on would be dangerous for the baby. Everything is fine."

The word fine was starting to sound jarring to my ears.

"Dangerous for the baby, but how dangerous is this condition for my wife without treatment?"

Dr. Nelson looked down at his clipboard. "You're still taking those vitamins I gave you, right Penny?"

I nodded.

"I think that's enough. But let's double the dose every day just to be safe."

"You think?" James released my hand. "Can I please have a word with you in the hall?"

"Very well." The doctor took his clipboard and tucked it into his side. "I think maybe I issued bed rest prematurely. Go out and get your mind off everything, Penny. Sitting around thinking about it isn't helping anyone." He lightly patted my shin. His hand was so cold that it made me shiver. That was one of the things I disliked about Dr. Nelson. His hands were always freezing. And he always wore black scrubs instead of the pale pastel colors all the other hospital staff wore. I had been thinking about that Harry Potter movie that had scared Scarlett so much that Dr. Nelson was actually starting to resemble Professor Snape. And it wasn't just the black scrubs. It was the long gray hair that was always slightly

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