Page 21 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

Saturday

Scarlett's head was resting on my lap as the party drew to a close. She had fallen asleep over an hour ago, but whenever I'd try to carry her to bed, she'd gotten those really big puppy dog eyes and said she didn't want to miss out on anything. How could I deny her? Especially when I was tired anyway. A little nap before bed sounded heavenly. Besides, Daphne and Sophie were already curled up on the couch. And it was way past my bedtime.

Right when I was about to drift off to sleep, hushed voices startled me awake. I was about to slip out from underneath of Scarlett's head to join the conversation when I picked up on a small piece of the discussion.

"I have every mind to sue him," James said. "It has to be malpractice."

"I'm sure you could sue him if you wanted to," Rob said calmly.

James sighed. "Spit it out. I know that there's a but coming."

r /> I looked down at my daughter. She was still sleeping peacefully. And so were Daphne and Sophie. James and Rob thought I was asleep too. Or I was certain they wouldn't be talking about this. I should have gone into the kitchen and joined their discussion. I should have at least let them know I was awake. But instead, I closed my eyes and stayed perfectly still.

"I was looking it up the other day," Rob said. "Pregnant women get heart murmurs all the time. Something about extra blood flow or something. They usually go away after the birth."

"Yeah, I know. And if that was the case it'd be fine. The cardiologist we went to for a second opinion said she'd eventually need surgery, though. That if it got any worse she'd need medical intervention if she wanted to live a long life."

"Shit."

They were both silent for a moment. Yeah. Shit. That was the best way to describe it. I ran my palm along my stomach. The doctor had said that extra stress on my heart would make it worse. That maybe I'd had a mild heart murmur my whole life that went undetected. But that my pregnancy made it worse. That my heart was beating faster and working harder to make up for the leak. And that the wear and tear were now irreversible.

"Suing him won't help, though," Rob said. "Him losing his license won't mean anything."

Of course it would mean something. Dr. Nelson would lose his job. He had a family. This conversation was ridiculous. James could not blame an OB-GYN for not finding my heart murmur. That wasn't his specialty. Maybe he could freak out if our son had a heart murmur and he didn't find it. But this wasn't Dr. Nelson's fault.

"What am I supposed to do? Sit here and continue to blame myself? I can't...I can't do that. I'm going fucking insane." James was quiet for a moment. "I brought up the idea of having another kid. It's my fault. If she dies, it's my fault. That baby effectively turned her into a ticking time bomb."

I swallowed hard. No, James shouldn't blame Dr. Nelson. He shouldn't blame himself. But he most certainly shouldn't blame our baby. Our son was good and pure and perfect. I quietly slipped out from underneath Scarlett's head. She moaned peacefully in her sleep.

James and Rob both turned toward me when I entered the kitchen. James looked guilty, like he knew he had been caught talking about me behind my back again. But Rob plastered a smile on his face.

Yup, I was right about Rob. He was great at keeping secrets when he needed to be. "Cut the crap, Rob. I know you two were talking about me. James, you can't sue Dr. Nelson," I said and turned to him. "And you can't blame yourself for wanting another kid. I wanted another kid too. If you hadn't brought it up, I would have soon. And you most certainly can't blame our beautiful baby."

"I'm not blaming any of them."

"What? You just said you were going to sue Dr. Nelson."

"No one said anything about Dr. Nelson. I want to sue Dr. Jones."

"My last OB-GYN? Why on earth would you sue him?" James' brilliant plan was to sue the doctor that delivered Scarlett. Flawlessly. A retired doctor with one of the highest successful delivery rates in the state. The practice that Dr. Jones started was still the most prestigious one in the city. The only reason I had gone to a new OB-GYN from a different practice was because after Dr. Jones retired, Dr. Nelson was the best doctor left in New York. The two had even had the same graduate and post-doctorate training. What was James thinking? He'd never win that lawsuit. Truly, he'd never win a lawsuit against either of them.

"Because apparently Dr. Jones had notes about you developing a heart murmur while you were pregnant with Scarlett. And he didn't tell us. The only reason I even know about it is because it was in the health records I requested from Dr. Nelson so I could look at everything for myself."

"What do you mean?" There was no way that Dr. Jones knew. He would have told us. I shook my head. That didn't make any sense.

"That's why Dr. Nelson didn't deliver the news with any tact. He thought we were already aware of the risk. He probably thought we were being incredibly irresponsible. If Dr. Jones had told us about it in the first place, you'd still be healthy. We could have seen a cardiologist sooner and discussed the risks of getting pregnant again. None of this would have ever happened. Your heart murmur would still be mild. You'd still be healthy."

I put my hand on my stomach. "None of this would have happened? Are you saying you regret getting pregnant again?"

"That's not..." his voice trailed off as his eyes landed on my belly. "I'm saying that if we knew ahead of time, we never would have tried for another kid. It's just making it worse."

"It? It? Are you serious right now?" My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I wanted to slap him, but my body was frozen. How could he say that about our son? How dare he?

Rob cleared his throat. "Tread lightly, man. You don't want to upset a pregnant woman. Hormones and everything."

I was going to kill both of them. "Do you regret having Scarlett too? For possibly giving me the heart murmur in the first place?"

"I never said..."

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