Page 111 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

"I'm not going to sit here and watch my wife kill herself." There was no reason to hide the truth from him now. He hadn't poisoned Penny. She took her own life.

There was a pause on the other end. "What are you talking about?"

"Penny poisoned herself. There were traces of it in her bloodstream and in her stomach. I'm not going to watch the video footage leading up to her decision to take her own life. Delete the footage from the past two days. I don't want to ever see it."

"Mr. Hunter, Penny wasn't suicidal. And you use all organic products. There isn't even any poison in the house, she couldn't..." his voice trailed off.

I stepped into the foyer. "What were you going to say?"

"Exterminators were here this morning. Penny was worried about the snakes that Scarlett kept mentioning. They didn't find anything. But they had brought all their equipment in. " He let his sentence hang in the air between us.

"Is there poison in pesticide?" I asked. But I already knew the answer. Of course there was.

"I'm not sure." There was a brief pause and the sound of computer keys typing. "Yes. There are several different poisons in pesticides."

"Destroy the footage."

"But shouldn't I look to see if..."

"No one knows about this but us. Scarlett will never know that her mother tried to take her own life. My family and friends will never hear about this. Not even the other members of the security team. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

I hung up and slid my cell phone back into my pocket. My fingers brushed across the crumpled piece of paper. Smile? Seriously? Fuck you too, Penny.

Chapter 40

Monday

I pointed to my glass and the bartender topped me off.

One drink. That's what I told myself. I stared down at my third.

Twitch.

Why wasn't alcohol helping? This was the only way I knew how to cope. This was the only way I knew how to numb the pain. But my body was betraying me.

I pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of my pocket and smoothed it out against the bar. She wanted me to forget about her. Was that because she thought I already had? I pushed my hair off my forehead. Where had we gone wrong?

No, I wasn't a perfect husband. But I tried. I kept my vows to her. I loved her more each day. Hadn't I told her that? Sometimes I stayed out late with my friends. Sometimes I'd lose track of time grading papers and miss dinner.

But most days? Most days I was there with her. Loving her. Cherishing her.

I read the words she had written again. Suddenly my anger was gone. I didn't know where I went wrong, but I knew it was my fault. I knew she had tried to take her life because of me. Whether it was because she thought I was cheating or something else. I had let her down. She wouldn't have done it otherwise. She loved our daughter. She loved our family and friends. But she didn't always love me. We fought. I made her cry too many times to count. I had somehow broken my perfect wife.

Baby, you need to come back to me. Let me try harder. Give me another chance.

I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Porter. "If you haven't deleted it yet, find when she did it. I need to see it." I pressed send and downed my third glass.

It wasn't the same feeling that Penny gave me. She made me feel alive. The burn of alcohol down my throat made me feel like I was barely holding on. I put some bills down on the bar and made my way back outside.

The sign for the hospital was in the distance, glowing now that dusk was upon the city. I was hiding. The note burning a hole in my pocket told me exactly what I needed to do. Penny was worried I'd be a bad father if she died. It was my biggest fear too. Whether she knew it or not, she had validated it. She was fucking right. I had a son that I didn't want to hold. I had a daughter that wouldn't stop crying. And all I wanted to do was head back into the bar.

I willed my feet to take me back to the hospital. Through the other entrance. Up the stairs to the NICU. I stared at my son through the window.

A neonatal nurse was inside, checking something on one of the machines my son was hooked up to. She looked up at me and then walked to the door. "Do you want to hold him?" she asked as she peered her head out.

I immediately shook my head.

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