Page 107 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

I stepped away from her.

She wanted to die.

I buried my hands in my hair.

She hated her life.

I backed up, bumping into one of the machines.

She didn't want me.

"Why, Penny? Why was this life not enough? Why wasn't I enough?" I realized I was shouting and no one could hear me. What the fuck was I doing? Why would I believe the word of some incompetent lawyer? And a doctor that probably couldn't even distinguish my wife from any other patient?

I stepped forward and knelt by Penny's hospital bed. "I'm sorry. Baby, please forgive me." I grabbed her hand again and tried to ignore the feeling of ice. "I know you didn't do this. I'm sorry." I touched the side of her cold face. "We have a son. Wake up." I slid my hand to the side of her neck. "You have to wake up now. We need you."

She lay there, frozen in time.

"I need you." I closed my eyes. I couldn't look at her like this. "Baby. You know I can't do this alone."

"Please be gentle," a nurse said from behind me.

I didn't realize how hard I was holding on to her. I let go of the side of her neck and winced at the white spots I had left on her skin. I quickly stood up. The worst part was that Penny didn't even look peaceful. She looked like she was in pain. I slowly backed out of the room. I couldn't be here. I couldn't breathe in this fucking hospital.

Chapter 39

Monday

"We're going home," I said and pulled Scarlett off the floor where she was coloring.

"Is Mommy going to be at home?"

"No, pumpkin."

"But I want Mommy."

"I can g

o fetch whatever you need," Ellen said and bustled over to us. "Let me be of some use."

"No, that's okay. Scarlett's tired. I'm taking her home."

"I'm not tired, Daddy."

"We'll be back later," I said to everyone without looking at them.

"No! I want Mommy!" She squirmed out of my grip and plopped back down on the floor with her arms folded across her chest.

"We're leaving," I said more sternly.

"I want my Mommy!" She started crying. "Where's Mommy?"

Rob and Daphne were staring at me. My dad was staring at me. Penny's parents were staring at me. I took a step back. I couldn't do this. I couldn't comfort them. I was barely holding on.

Twitch.

I turned around and pushed through the doors to the stairs.

"James!" Rob called after me.

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