Page 68 of Crazy In Love (Secrets of Suburbi 3)

"Are you excited for the Christmas light contest tonight?” she asked. “My fingers are crossed that you'll win it this year."

I nodded, but I barely heard her words. For a few seconds we walked in silence, the only sound the snow crunching under our feet. I needed to say something. Anything that would make her keep her mouth shut. I was considering threatening the wellbeing of her lawn gnomes when she broke the awkward silence.

"As a good neighbor, I should have seen it." She stopped at the end of her property line.

"Seen what?" I didn't want the answer to my question. I was worried I had to end this right here. I glanced behind me. We were all alone in the woods. Snuggle Muffins had bitten through a rope for me. If I told him to bite off her head, would he do it? Sally was a terribly nosy neighbor, but I wasn't sure I had it in me to kill her myself.

"Our two neighbors." She sighed. "Violet and Adeline. They were in bad situations with bad men. I should have seen it."

"No one saw it. You can't beat yourself up." I didn't have time for a therapy session right now.

Sally smiled, but it looked forced. "I made a promise to myself to notice the important things. And I noticed you and Noah. It helps that I'm right next door. I know he hurts you, Ensley."

"He...he doesn't hurt me." I pictured Sophia's face. He hurt her. Badly. That so easily could have been me. It had been me.

"I hear the yelling."

"He doesn't hurt me." My voice was quieter now. Noah promised he'd never hurt me. He promised.

"Emotional abuse can be just as painful as physical abuse. I was trying to talk to you about this the other day...but now I'm afraid I'm running out of time."

I pressed my lips together.

"You know, I remember how happy you looked when you were pregnant." She shook her head. "I'd never seen you so happy."

"I was happy." Honestly, I was pretty sure it was the last time I was happy. I was so excited to meet my baby boy. I held Snuggle Muffins a little closer to my chest.

"I heard the yelling that night," Sally said. "Something happened, didn't it?"

I swallowed hard. "I slipped." I remembered all the blood at the bottom of the stairs. I remembered trying to wash the blood off my hands in the sink. I couldn't stop picturing it. The life seeping out of me. The water in the sink running red.

Sally reached out and grabbed my hand. "Did you slip? Or did he push you?"

I blinked when I noticed there were tears in my eyes. "I don't remember." I dreamed of that night all the time. In my dreams, I always felt the slap of his palm on my face. I saw his smile when I tried to dodge him and I lost my balance. I don't think he pushed me. But he certainly hadn't tried to catch me when I fell. He wanted me to lose the baby.

At least, Noah wanted me to think that was how I'd lost the baby. But my baby was already slowly dying when I fell. I found the abortion pills later. Along with all the depression and sleep medication. Back then my mind was foggy all the time. It was one of the reasons I couldn't remember my fall. I'd lost years of my life in a miserable blur. Because I was getting close to his secrets. He didn't want me to know the answers to my questions. He wouldn’t even tell me when I kidnapped him. I just wanted the truth. I needed the truth.

Noah preferred me doped up on drugs. And I didn't know how he got them in my system. So I stopped drinking any beverages he handed me. I'd killed a lot of plants by pouring tea, wine, and juice in their soil. I also stopped eating any food he prepared, TV dinners becoming my choice of nourishment. When he questioned me, I'd down the food he made and immediately throw it back up afterward while the shower was running.

He didn't know that I knew. And I could see his frustration with my questions. I knew he'd never give me a real answer. And when I saw our bank accounts close? I knew I was running out of time to find out. Two could play the game of slipping pills. So I dressed up and drugged him back.

The baby was our tipping point. But not just because I lost him. It was because I finally got a glimpse of the truth. My husband was a monster.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me," Sally said. "But you're allowed to be happy again. Let me help you."

It's too late.

"Just let me know what you need. We can get you out of this mess."

I didn't think I had anyone to reach out to. I didn't think anyone cared about me in this stupid neighborhood. But Sally was standing here caring. A few days too late. I shook my head. When I was doing all my research about knot tying on YouTube, I’d entered a rabbit hole on criminal activity. Lock-picking tutorials. Car hot wiring tutorials. But all I knew about stealing cars was from a video. And Charlotte might not even still be banging on my door.

"Can I borrow your car?" I asked.

Sally nodded. "Okay."

Really? That was easy. I didn't even need to fake cry. I blinked. Maybe because there were real tears on my cheeks.

"Come with me." She tucked her arm through mine. "My car is parked at the end of my driveway so that I wouldn't have to shovel very much."

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