Page 56 of Crazy In Love (Secrets of Suburbi 3)

"It's not what it looks like," I said. "That...that's my sidepiece. Noah." Shit. Why did I just tell her it was Noah? I was a terrible liar. "I mean Evergreen. His name is Evergreen. He's a tree. I was just cutting down a Christmas tree."

"What? All I see is two kids playing in the snow." She hissed again and winked one of her big yellow eyes. "See you tomorrow for the Christmas light judging! I have a feeling you and Evergreen are going to win a million dollars. Ciao!"

"Ciao!"

She disappeared behind the fence.

"Snuggle Muffins, I speak Italian!"

"Ciao" he barked.

"We all speak Italian!" I had to enter Snuggle Muffins in all the contests in the world. And speaking of contests, when had the prize for the Christmas lights been upped to a million dollars? I needed to do more decorating! "Snuggle Muffins, we need more lights. Like all the lights. Call that boy from the hardware store. He knows my name, he'll hook us up." I stood up from my latest snow angel and brushed some of the snow off my ass. But it didn't really help. I was completely soaked.

"How long have we been out here?" I turned in a circle and stared down at all the snow angels in the yard. There were at least a thousand. I knew because I counted them real fast. After I was done counting, I spotted Noah through the window, still shoveling brownies into his mouth.

"Forget the lights for now. We'll get them tomorrow. We need to get our tree! We can all decorate together. One big happy family."

Snuggle Muffins barked behind me as I staggered back into the woods. Where had I left my axe? I knew it was around here somewhere...ah. I found it leaning against a tree. "Stand back, good sir. This tree is the one." I swung the axe and it barely made a dent in the trunk. What in tarnation? I looked up. "Oh. You're right. It's too big. And I'm pretty sure it's a maple. We need a Christmas tree. Not maple syrup." I pointed to Snuggle Muffins. "No maple syrup ever again, deal?"

He barked.

"Good. Screw maple trees." I yawned. "Do you think we should take a nap first? God, I'm hungry too. Do you think that guy from the hardware store will bring us some takeout? I'm pretty sure that's in his job description. You call him, Snuggles. I'll find us a tree."

But instead of looking for a tree I just sat down in the middle of the woods and started laughing. I pictured Sally slithering by and Noah with shovel hands. And I just laughed and laughed until suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. I blinked. Snuggle Muffins was staring at me, completely drenched. There was water dripping off his little eyelashes.

"How long have we been out here? I'm so sorry. Let's get our tree and go inside." I stood up and my legs felt tired. Probably because I'd made a thousand snow angels. "How does this one look?" The perfect tree was right in front of me. I must have picked it out before nap time. I laughed. This time when I swung the axe, it made perfect contact and a nice cut. I swung it again and again. "Stand back, Snuggle Muffins!" I swung the axe through the air. "Timber!"

The little evergreen fell with a thud in the woods. I grabbed it by its trunk and pulled it slowly toward the house. Again, I was reminded of Kevin McCallister. He'd cut down a tree just like this and decorated it when he was home alone. I was basically doing the same thing. Except I had my dog and hopefully a passed-out Noah inside.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been out here, but the snow was still falling and the neighborhood was silent. It was definitely still nighttime. Hopefully Noah would be sleeping in the middle of the kitchen floor. I couldn't see him at the counter anymore, and I'd lost my binoculars somewhere in the woods so I couldn’t get a better view.

I reached the back door and looked behind me. Originally I thought I'd be able to see any footprints leaving the house. But the yard was literally covered in dog paw prints and snow angels. If Noah had left, I wouldn't have been able to tell. What had I been thinking?

At least my brain felt significantly less wonky now. Sally had stopped slithering by a while ago. With her disappearance, all my mistakes became pretty clear. I'd stopped watching Noah through the window. I'd frolicked in the snow. I’d giggled in the forest. And I'd lost my dog for a little bit.

But I'd taste-tested the brownies...hours ago? Minutes ago? I couldn't be sure. Either way, Noah had tried them much more recently than me. And he had shovel hands. So...I was pretty sure he was going to be high off his ass.

I opened the door and peered inside. Noah was indeed in the middle of the kitchen. But he wasn't asleep in the middle of the floor. He was standing there with his arms folded across his chest, staring at me. His naked chest. And instead of raiding the closet like a normal person, he was wearing the same pair of worn jeans that hugged his ass so perfectly. I blinked, trying not to get distracted by all his stupid muscles. That was probably his plan. To distract me with the sexiest outfit in existence.

Snuggle Muffins ran inside and sat down by Noah's feet.

That little traitor. Get back over here. But Snuggle Muffins didn't move.

"Having fun?" Noah asked.

I swallowed hard. "Yes?" My voice came out squeaky and high pitched. "What's up?" Maybe he'd forgotten the past few days the same way he’d forgotten about the rest of his life? Fingers crossed.

"I think you know what's up...Ensley."

Oh. No. Him knowing my name was not a good indicator of him not remembering. But I had a Christmas tree. I shook my head. More importantly...I had a freaking axe. I brought both inside and then locked the door behind me. It seemed that my plan to drug him had backfired. But Noah had brought shovel hands to an axe fight. Simpleton. I just hoped his blood wouldn't splatter on the kitchen stools. Blood was very hard to get out of upholstery.

Chapter 22

Sunday

For a few seconds we just stared at each other, waiting for the other person to make the first move. It reminded me of our proposal. We'd been watching the sunset from the boardwalk. I'd felt this nervous energy in the air. I was pretty sure he had been about to break up with me, so I hadn't said a word. I'd just tried to hold on to the moment. But after the most awkward stretch of time, he’d gotten down onto one knee and proposed.

But Noah wasn't about to propose now. He was about to kill me. And I didn't need to pretend that it wasn't about to happen. Because I was going to kill him first. For some reason my eyes were glued to his perfect abs instead of where I needed to slice his throat. Shake it off. It's go time. Before I could lift my axe in the air, though, the jerk started talking.

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