Page 83 of Sweet Like a Psycho (Secrets of Suburbi 2)

He loved me. I had forgotten what it felt like to be loved by someone who didn’t call me Mommy. I turned onto the freeway and breathed more easily than I had in years.

I’d almost drowned countless times in my youth because of my mother. I’d gotten really good at holding my breath. As much as it hurt my heart, I think I had set Tucker up to die today. I knew he’d believe my lies and try to save me when I fell through the ice. But sometimes life happened unexpectedly. He was a surprisingly good swimmer, and I was glad he was alive. I was glad he was helping me escape. I was glad he was able to love someone like me.

I’d tried to tell him the truth. I really had. But only parts of it had managed to fall from my lips. Because I had killed three people, even though I never meant for it to happen.

I had come back from school late that day. I’d missed my bus and had to walk for over an hour because I didn’t have anyone to ask for a ride. Henry was waiting for me when I typed in the code to the garage. I didn’t even see him in the darkness, but I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was always worse when he’d been drinking. I could hear the sound of him unzipping his pants. And I couldn’t take it for another second. I wouldn’t let him force me to have an abortion. And I wouldn’t let him drag me to Florida so he could continue to ruin me. I had a baby to protect.

I’d grabbed a shovel off the wall and ran inside screaming for my mom to help. Begging her to believe me. I just needed her to help me get away from the hell I was living. I just wanted out. Henry tried to shut me up. But I was done being silenced. I was only trying to knock him out. I needed enough time to flee. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I felt

relieved when the metal edge of the shovel sliced clean across his neck.

I had hoped my mother would finally believe me. His pants were at his ankles while the blood seeped out of his neck. Not that she needed any more proof; she’d heard him raping me countless times. Shoving a dresser in front of her door may have blocked out demons, but it didn’t block out his disgusting grunts. I never had the same freedom my mother did. I didn’t have pills to numb my pain. And shoving a dresser in front of my own door wouldn’t have helped. It would have just delayed the inevitable.

I had hoped my mother wouldn’t wave a gun in my face and yell at me about my lies. Lies? I had never lied. How could she believe a monster over me? Her never believing in me had already ruined my life. I wasn’t going to let her end it too. She was weak from the medicine but it still wasn’t easy to overpower her. I was just trying to get the gun away from her. I never meant for her to get shot.

That should have been the end of it. I wish it had been. But John Fredrick had overheard me arguing with Joel a few days before. And he’d suspected that my stepfather was abusing me. And he showed up at the wrong place at the wrong time. He arrived right when I was shoving my mother’s dead body in my pickup truck. He threatened to call the police. I explained what happened. I told him that both of them attacked me first, but he didn’t care. I begged him not to call. It was naïve to think he was ever going to save me. No one ever believed me. I lunged at his phone, knocking him backward. His head hit the tailgate of my truck and made an awful crunching noise. I tried to revive him even though I knew it was too late. He’d snapped his neck. I’d snapped his neck.

Everything was too late. I’d accidentally killed three people. Most of what I had said to Tucker out on the lake was true. I was haunted by that night. And technically I had confessed. I told him I killed them, even if everything I said before that was a lie.

Sometimes I wondered what I would have done if John hadn’t slipped. I liked to think I wouldn’t have killed him. But I wasn’t sure if that was true. I was worried I’d become what everyone said I was. A monster. After all, you could only hear something so many times before it became a part of you.

Maybe they were right all along. Maybe I had meant to slit Henry’s throat. Maybe I meant to tilt the gun just enough so the bullet would penetrate my mother’s skull. Maybe I was fully aware of the tailgate laying ominously open behind John. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

The rumors swirled around my mind. For six years I let my neighbors define me. But I was finally free from their whispers. I wasn’t what they said I was. I was done doubting myself. And now I could finally have the future I’d always wanted.

I looked down at one of the lizards on Zeke’s lap. It changed colors to blend in with his shorts. I wanted to believe that people could change that easily. I wanted to believe that I could change. Because I wasn’t the crazy lady on the hill. It was easier to believe in myself when someone else believed in me too. I smiled over at Tucker.

He smiled back.

I really did love him.

I thought it would be easy to shove the rumors out of my mind the farther away from town I drove. To stomp out the doubt. To erase the whispers that I was a monster. I’m not the person they say I am. I’m not the person they say I am. I’m not the person they say I am. But no matter how many times I said it, there was still a voice in the back of my head that wondered if I’d end up accidentally killing Tucker one day. And if I did, I doubted he’d be my only victim. Sometimes I really hated doing things in threes.

* * *

Thank you for reading Sweet Like a Psycho! If you liked this book, you'll love Made of Steel!

“The boy who broke my heart ten years ago would never recognize the person I’ve become. I barely recognize myself. He left me to the wolves. He’s the reason my life fell apart. And no matter how I feel, I can’t talk to him. If I did, I could get us both killed.”

Get it now!

I fell in love with the boy next door the first time I ever saw him. And he never said it, but I’m pretty sure he loved me too. Until suddenly…he didn’t.

In the blink of an eye, I lost everything. But losing him hurt the most. Everyone I loved was taken from me. But him? He chose to stop loving me.

It’s been ten years since he left me. I’ve gotten over him. Or at least, I think I have. Until I start college and realize he’s living right down the hall from me. I try to tell my heart to listen to reason. Because I can’t possibly still be in love with the boy next door.

And even if I was, it wouldn’t matter. Remember how I lost everything? I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to walk away alive. Those people are still after me. The boy who broke my heart would never recognize the person I’ve become anyway. I barely recognize myself. He left me to the wolves. He’s the reason my life fell apart. No matter how I feel, I can’t talk to him. If I did, I could get us both killed.

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Made of Steel - Chapter 1

Flashback - 8 Years Old

It had already been fifteen minutes since my babysitter, Julie, had arrived. Why were my parents still here? I had a very strict schedule to stick to if I was going to get to see Miles tonight. Just thinking about him made my heart race.

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