Page 79 of Sweet Like a Psycho (Secrets of Suburbi 2)

“It depends on the circumstances, but yes. There’s exceptions to every rule. Of course there’s exceptions.”

He sounded genuine. But I knew I was scaring him. He was worried I was going to fall. But the ice was solid here. Farther in, maybe not. I was banking on the fact that it wasn’t. “I’m a monster.”

“You are not a monster, Violet.”

“You lied about one thing. I lied about everything.”

“That’s okay.”

Why did he keep saying that? It wasn’t okay. “I need you to take care of Zeke for me. Make sure he knows that I love him more than anything in this world. No matter what happens, I need him to know that.”

Tucker stepped out onto the ice. It cracked under his feet and he quickly retreated back to the dirt. “Violet please. I need you to get off the ice before it breaks.”

Rip the Band-Aid off. “When my stepfather and mother found out I was pregnant they wanted me to get an abortion. They insisted it was the only way.” I touched my stomach. “I couldn’t do it. I refused. So they said they were going to take me away from here. Henry bought a home down in Florida and everything. He said he thought it would be better for my mom. Sunnier. I was only18. I was still hung up on Joel. I thought he’d come back. I was young and dumb and I thought he’d come back for me. I didn’t want to go with them.” Stop lying. Stop lying. Stop lying. It was so ingrained in me that it was hard to stop. But the words weren’t lies. They were just a piece of a story. The innocent piece. “When I say they wanted to move I use that term lightly. Henry wanted to move. My mom…she wasn’t there. She was on new medicine. She was just checked out. I know she was sick, but God I needed her. I needed her to stand up for me for once.”

I wasn’t sure Tucker was paying attention. His eyes were focused on the ice beneath my feet.

“My mother met Henry on one of her good days. She didn’t have many of those days near the end. Barely any really. I’m pretty sure he thought she tricked him. Tricked him into falling for her. She didn’t mean to be the way she was. She was just…sick.” Like me. “And honestly even on her lucid days she was cruel. She used to drag me out here when I misbehaved and would hold my head under the water. Henry used to laugh.” My own laugh sounded strangled. “She was awful. I never told anyone how awful she was.”

“Violet, if your mother abused you, you had every right to fight back.”

“That’s not…” I shook my head. “I knew how to handle her. It was Henry that I couldn’t fight off.” God. Do it! “I looked like my mom. He…” Damn it! “I think he thought it was only right that he got me instead.” I was going to be sick. “Zeke isn’t Joel’s baby. I never even slept with him. I couldn’t.” It felt like I was holding my breath. “Henry would…he never asked. He just took everything from me. For years. I told my mother and she said I was lying. She didn’t believe me. Why would I ever think that someone else would if my own mother didn’t? She’d lock herself in that damn room and just let it happen. She let him ruin me.”

“Violet.”

There were tears in his eyes. I hadn’t even told him the worst of it.

“How was I supposed to tell the boy I was falling in love with that I lost my innocence when I was 12 years old? I was ashamed that I didn’t know how to stop it. I was ashamed that my mother thought I was lying. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to stop it.” I stifled my sob. It was just part of the story. I had to tell him the rest. He needed to know. “When Joel found out I was pregnant, I tried to tell him but he was so mad. He had been so patient with me. I told him I needed time before I was ready to sleep with him. I was just trying to find the strength to tell him what was going on in my house. But he left before I could explain. He wrote me off so fast. Even if I was able to get the words out, I think he would have left anyway.” I needed him and he left.

“His foster father, John, overheard our conversation. A few weeks after Joel left, I was at the lake waiting for him like an idiot. John said he’d been trying to get me alone for weeks to talk about what happened. That he’d had foster kids before with the same issues as me…he said he understood. He knew what I was going through and he believed me. I never meant…I shouldn’t have asked for his help.” Stop lying. Stop lying. Stop lying. I shook my head. “He went to go talk to my mother and stepfather right away. He said he’d get me out. I thought he could save me. For once in my life I thought I was lucky.”

I wiped away the tears from my cheeks.

“The conversation didn’t go well. John kept saying he was going to call child protective services if Henry didn’t let me leave with him. When John pulled out his phone, Henry took a swing. It escalated quickly. Henry had his hands around John’s throat. I still remember his eyes bulging.” I swallowed hard. “I didn’t know what to do. I kept yelling for my mom to help. But she just stood there watching like it didn’t matter. She had that blank stare in her eyes that I hated so much. I did the first thing I could think of and grabbed a shovel from the garage and swung it around. I was just trying to break it up. I…it didn’t work.” I could still picture John’s body falling to the floor with a thud. I didn’t know someone could feel so much horror and relief at the same time. Because when Henry turned around there was a pocket knife sticking out of his chest. “John had stabbed him.” I touched the center of my chest. I had never been so relieved in my life. “Henry died.” I said it like it happened instantly. But it was slower than that. He gurgled and spat for a few minutes as I tried to resuscitate John. “They both died.” I didn’t give a shit about Henry. But John? I could barely live with myself. It was my fault that he was dead, just as much as it was my fault that Henry was dead.

“I kept yelling for my mom to call 9-1-1. I told her to get help. When I finally stopped trying to resuscitate John to call an ambulance myself she was standing there with a gun. Pointed at me.” I shook my head. “I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, Violet. Big lies have big consequences,” I repeated her words. I couldn’t look at Tucker. I stared down at my boots. Stop lying. Stop lying. Stop lying. “She used to say that before she’d shove my face in the water. I thought after all the years of abuse she might actually believe what Henry had done to me. But like I told you before, my mother never loved me.” I wiped away my remaining tears. I didn’t have any left to shed. “She turned the gun and shot herself in the face.” I could still see the blood seeping into her shirt. The blood was everywhere.

“I didn’t think my mother would ever actually do it. I’d feared it, but only in a far-off sense, like how a kid worries about her parents getting divorced.” I wished my life had been that simple. “If I’d ever seen that floorboard, maybe I would have known. I wish I had known. Maybe I could have at least stopped one death. But I didn’t know. And I’m what everyone says I am. I’m a monster. It’s my fa

ult they’re all dead.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is. I killed them.” God it felt good to say it out loud. “That happened because of me. I could have just left. I could have figured it out. But I ran to someone else for help and look what happened? Three people are dead. Three. Because of me.” Three. Three. Three. I was haunted by that night. It was so easy to get pulled back into the moment. Whenever I was upset or agitated or nervous, I’d see all three bodies. I couldn’t escape the memory.

Tucker stepped onto the ice and it started to crack under his foot. “Shit.” He pulled his foot back. “Violet, please get off the ice. None of that was your fault.”

“All the rumors are true.”

“No they’re not. You are not what people say you are. You are good and kind and sweet. You’ve listened to the assholes in this town for far too long. We’re going to get all this cleared up. Please, just get off the ice, Vi.”

I looked down at the ice. There was a crack trailing toward me. It was too late.

“We can fix this together. That gun I found under your floorboards. Was that the gun?”

I nodded.

“Great. You said you got rid of it, can we get it back? We’re going to need that for evidence. Who’d you sell it to?”

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