Page 66 of Sweet Like a Psycho (Secrets of Suburbi 2)

I tiptoed out of my be

droom and closed the door behind me. A cup of coffee was calling to me, but I didn’t have time to worry about caffeine. I needed to prove my innocence of at least one thing before I confessed to all the other things I was guilty of. Today was the day I would come clean. I had to. I couldn’t lie to Tucker anymore. I just couldn’t.

I opened up my laptop and some random show started playing on Netflix. Netflix? Seriously, Zeke? Getting Hulu without my permission was bad enough, but getting a subscription to Netflix too? We needed to have a serious conversation about credit card theft. I paused the show so I wouldn't forget to come back to it when he woke up, and then I opened a new browser. I cracked my knuckles as the Google search bar loaded.

Come on, Joel. You owe me at least this one thing. It felt like he had stolen my whole life from me. All his dreams had become mine when we were together. And when he left I had never felt so alone. I typed Joel Walker into the search box.

There were a lot of Joel Walkers in the world. Hundreds on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram. All the sites I didn’t indulge in. I liked my privacy too much to be on anything like that.

It took me several minutes of browsing through all the results until I came to his Facebook profile. I expected to feel something when I saw him cheesing for the camera in front of the Hollywood sign. Anything. But there was nothing there. Six years was a long time. I had a whole new life. Certainly he did too. He’d made it. He got the life I would have held him back from.

I clicked on the image of his face and a box prompting me to either sign in or create an account popped up. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t peruse what had become of him. I leaned in closer to the screen. Joel barely looked a day older than when he left. It made the uneasiness return to my stomach. This could have been taken yesterday or six years ago. I stared at the image. If I made an account I might be able to see more. But even if I created one, I’d probably have to hit the add friend button to get more access, and that was a very bad idea. Requesting to be his friend on Facebook after six years of radio silence would be weird. He’d wonder what was going on. Or he’d just delete my request like it was no big deal. He’d bury any thought of me like he had so many years ago.

Either way, I didn’t feel comfortable making an account. I sighed and exed out of the browser. I thought I’d be able to just look him up and find him easily. I wanted to be able to show Tucker that he was alive and well. If he believed that…maybe he’d believe the rest of my story too.

I tried to ex out of the Netflix video but ended up going to a details page of the show Zeke had been watching. I was about to close the whole browser when I saw the name J.J. Walker. He was a writer for whatever stupid cartoon this was. Joel’s middle name was Jovi. It was a ridiculous middle name. Joel had been embarrassed the first time he told me about it. But I hadn’t laughed. I’d been so madly in love with him that I even loved his silly middle name.

I typed "J.J. Walker sitcom writer" into a new browser. And there he was. Hundreds of pictures of him looking older than he had in high school. There was even an article about him published a few weeks ago. He was wearing black-rimmed glasses and had grown one of those trendy lumberjack beards. They both looked stupid on him. He was trying too hard to fit in.

J.J. Walker. He changed his whole identity for what? To prove he could make it out there? It was probably for some stupid publicity thing or something. But it felt like he was trying to stay hidden. From me, most likely. After all, I had broken his heart. Just not as much as he had broken mine. I stared at his picture. Alive and well in Cali. If my life had turned out differently, I could have been next to him in that picture. I could have a ring on my finger and maybe another kid by now.

It was like I was trying to force myself to feel something. I didn’t want a ring from him. And I certainly didn’t want a kid that resembled a homeless lumberjack. I had everything I’d ever wanted right here. I glanced toward the stairs. Zeke was my whole world. And Tucker was slowly becoming a part of our world. It was a lot easier to imagine a child that resembled him.

I shook away the thought. The last time I had told the truth, I lost everything. Part of me wanted to slam the laptop shut. The other part of me wanted to believe in second chances. This could be a good thing. Joel wasn’t the man for me, that was a fact. But that didn’t mean that Tucker couldn’t be.

Or maybe telling the truth was a bad idea. Was that the lesson here? I had told Joel the truth and it hadn’t exactly gone well. And now there was even more to the story. I took a deep breath. I didn’t have a choice. I had been drowning in my lies for six years. There had to be a way out. If I was ever going to move on, I needed to come clean.

I stood up, carrying the laptop with me back to my bedroom. I climbed into bed with Tucker. Instead of poking his side to wake him, I pushed his hair away from his forehead. He looked so content sleeping. Not a care in the world. I wanted to curl up beside him and take refuge in the safety his arms provided. Our talk today would change things. Maybe it would bring us closer. More likely I’d be behind bars before dinner.

But he’d already ignored evidence for me once. I’d had an unregistered gun and he just brushed the whole thing under the rug like it was no big deal. But it was a big deal. I was pretty sure it was a felony. How many felonies could a detective ignore? I stared at his perfect face. Hopefully he could ignore a few more. I just needed a chance to explain everything before he reacted. Tying him up and putting duct tape on his mouth before he woke up was tempting. He’d have to hear me out if he couldn’t escape. But that was crazy. The whole point was that I wasn’t crazy. At least, not in the way that everyone thought.

My delete key flew off my laptop. I lifted it off my pillow. I hadn’t even realized I’d been pulling on it. That was the only thing that scared me about myself. When I did things and didn’t even know I was doing them. I took a deep breath. I was getting in my head, psyching myself out. There was no getting out of this. I had made up my mind to tell him. Once I made up my mind to do something, it was only a matter of time until it got done. I glanced around my bedroom. Just look at what I had accomplished here. This house had been falling apart when I bought it. Now the whole upstairs was beautiful.

Tucker shifted in bed, pulling my focus back to him.

I reached out for him again. This time my hand was shaking. The beginning of the end was near. I didn’t want to believe it, but the thought seeped into my bones, settling there. I just hoped that I didn’t have to do what I did six years ago. My heart couldn’t take it. I lightly touched his shoulder. “Tucker?” I whispered.

He opened his eyes a crack. A smile spread across his perfect face. “Good morning, beautiful.”

His words made my stomach flip over. His smile was contagious. I could feel the corners of my mouth turning up. “Good morning.”

It looked like he was about to pull me back against his chest. I had already indulged last night. As tempting as it was to have him keep looking at me the way he was, it wasn’t deserved. “He’s alive.” The words sounded harsh in the still morning.

“Who?” Tucker yawned as I shoved the computer onto his lap.

He slowly sat up and pushed the screen back a bit so it wasn’t right in his face. “J.J. Walker?”

“Yeah, it’s Joel. His middle name is Jovi. He must have changed his name to J.J. when he moved. He’s trying to be a hipster now or something. But that’s why no one could find him. They were looking for Joel instead of J.J.” I pointed to the screen.

“This article is from a few weeks ago.”

“Right.” I turned my attention back to Tucker’s face instead of the screen. “See…I didn’t kill him.”

“I didn’t think you killed him, Vi.” He finally lifted his gaze back to mine.

I loved when he called me that. I loved when he looked at me like that even more. “Everyone else thinks I did.”

“And now we can prove that you’re innocent. The rumors will stop.”

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