Page 56 of Sweet Like a Psycho (Secrets of Suburbi 2)

“I know. Just forget I even said it.” Please. I took a huge sip of my hot chocolate, so I wouldn’t say anything else stupid to the kid.

“You’re cool, right?” Zeke asked.

I didn’t really know what to say. I fit in well enough in school, but I didn’t exactly have jock status with cheerleaders throwing themselves all over me. Now though? Being an adult wasn’t really about fitting in. It was about being comfortable with yourself. I shrugged my shoulders.

“You drive a fancy car.”

I did drive a nice car. I thought about earlier when I offered to take him to school. Would that help? Driving up to school in my Charger with me could add to his cool factor. Driving to school with his mother in her rundown truck was not going to help him, that was for sure. But Violet didn’t want me to do it. Or she at least didn’t feel comfortable asking me to do it. “What time does school start?”

“Eight-thirty.”

I could probably swing that. Before I could open my mouth, Violet walked in holding the lizard.

“Surprise!” she yelled. “Tucker and I found Lizardopolous today!” She walked over carrying the slimy little creature and held it out to him.

Zeke didn’t look nearly as excited as I thought he would. He looked at the lizard, back up at his mother, and then back at the lizard. “If you found him then where is he?”

Violet laughed. “Right here, silly.” She held the lizard a little closer to him.

Zeke squinted his eyes at the creature. “That’s not Lizardopolous.”

“What? Of course it is. Tucker and I found him right in this room.”

“That’s right,” I said. “He was under one of the couch cushions. He nearly made me pee my pants.” Why do I keep talking about penises?!

“You found that lizard in our house?” Zeke looked genuinely surprised by this.

“Just like I said we would,” Violet said.

“Weird. I wonder where he came from.” Zeke grabbed him from his mother and held him close to his face to inspect him. “I’ll call him Lizardnoceros.

“But, Zeke, it’s Lizardopolous.”

“No it’s not. It looks nothing like Lizardopolous.”

“That’s because of the camouflage thing he does. When you put him back in his aquarium you’ll be able to see.”

Zeke shook his head. “Look at him, Mommy.” He held the lizard in front of Violet’s face. “He doesn’t look anything like Lizardopolous. He’s not even as big. He’s only a teenager.”

“He’s probably just cold,” I said. “Sometimes things shrink when they’re cold.” What the hell am I talking about?

“Lizardopolous never shrunk. And he had spots on his tummy.” Zeke lifted him up to show us the new lizard’s belly. “This lizard doesn’t have any spots.”

“But who else would it be?” Violet asked. “We literally found him right where you’re sitting.”

“I don’t know. I’m not the grown-up.”

Violet sighed.

“Can I still keep him?” Zeke asked. “If he wandered in here he doesn’t have a home.”

It was cute that he knew for sure it wasn’t Lizardopolous but that he also didn’t suspect we were trying to trick him. He really did believe our story.

“I still think it’s Lizardopolous,” Violet said. She sounded defeated.

“It’s definitely not. But I like him.” Zeke opened up one of the many pockets in his cargo shorts and started to put the lizard inside.

“Absolutely not, little dude. Take him upstairs before he gets loose again.”

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