Page 44 of Sweet Like a Psycho (Secrets of Suburbi 2)

“You’ve kept the letters for all these years, though. Do you still have feelings for him?”

I stopped staring at the lizards. A lot of feelings swirled around when I heard Joel’s name. Mostly ones of regret. But if he was asking if I still loved Joel? If he’d asked me a few days ago when I was standing at the lake, I might have said yes. But I wasn’t so sure anymore. I was trying to fight the feeling, but I knew I liked Tucker too much to be in love with another man. Liking Tucker was the scariest feeling in the world. I didn’t know if I could trust him. I stared into Tucker’s eyes and felt this pull between us, something I wasn’t sure I had ever felt with Joel. If I had ever felt it with him, six years without him had made me forget. Regardless, I knew it wasn’t Joel that I missed. I missed the dream of getting out of this town. I had loved what Joel represented. Freedom.

“No. Honestly, I think I loved the idea of him more than I ever loved him.”

“The idea of him?”

“He always had dreams of leaving this town. I wanted that too.”

“Then why don’t you just leave now?”

Sometimes I dreamed of moving to a big city and disappearing into a crowd. I’d be truly invisible in a city like New York. Most people moved to places like that to be found. But me? I’d blend into the nobodies and the washups.

Leaving wasn’t an option now though. If I left, I wouldn’t be able to guard my secrets. I’d be found out. People stayed out of the woods because they were afraid of me. If they were no longer scared of the woods, they’d find everything I had tried so hard to keep hidden.

“Zeke and I have roots here. I wouldn’t want to just take him out of school.” My excuse was incredibly lame. Tucker knew my son hated school. He knew that Zeke was teased endlessly. And he knew that I hated it here. I was freaking scared to leave my house around lunchtime because I didn’t want to be seen. But I wasn’t going to admit any of that to him. He already thought I was weak.

“Moving is tough. But a fresh start can be a good thing sometimes.”

“Is that why you moved here?" I asked. "For a fresh start?”

“I was born and raised in a small town like this. I never expected to leave. But when my mother passed away, everything I looked at reminded me of her. I needed a change. It was like I couldn’t move forward. I just kept thinking about how we should have tried something other than chemo. That maybe there was something else I could have done to save her.”

I knew what it was like to live with guilt. “Stuck in the past.” That was the story of my life. I moved to the next aquarium. “I’m sorry about your mother. What was she like?” It was only fair that I could interrogate him about his parents too.

“Incredibly strong. She raised me by herself.”

She sounded like the complete opposite of my mother. Especially because it was so clear that Tucker had adored her. “What about your father?”

“Never in the picture.”

“So you can’t even control yourself when you see a single mother? You just have to step in and help them even when they’re doing just fine on their own?”

“I have a lot of respect for single moms. But if you’re asking if I creepily like to date single moms only or something like that? No.” He laughed.

Everything he just

said was loaded. Did that mean he wanted to date me? Hopefully not. For a few minutes there back at his house, I’d had this tiny shred of hope that we could be more. But it was short lived because it was ridiculous. I moved to the last aquarium. “Well I’m sure there are plenty of single moms around town to choose from if that’s your thing. Maybe that woman who yelled at her kid not to come near me was a widow or something. She’s probably right up your alley.”

“Hey.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Did I say something wrong? I feel like we were having a good time just a few minutes ago.”

I ignored the hurt look on his face as I shifted my shoulder so his hand would fall away. “If you haven’t heard yet, I’m crazy. You should start listening to all those rumors that don’t hurt strong people.”

“Whoa.” This time he put one hand on either of my shoulders and turned me to face him. “I never said you weren’t strong.”

“You gotta shake it off, champ,” I said in a deep voice. “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.” I rolled my eyes. “It was a great pep talk.”

“I didn’t mean…” his voice trailed off. “I most certainly didn’t call you champ,” he said with a laugh.

I shoved his hands off of me.

“I’m sorry, I was never bullied growing up. I just remembered that old saying and said it. It was stupid. Of course rumors hurt people. Do you have any idea how scared I was when I got that dispatch call that you were attacked? I thought it had escalated to violence. I was terrified because I knew it was a very real possibility that you or Zeke were hurt.”

I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I blinked them away so he wouldn’t see.

“I think you’re incredibly strong, Violet. You’re amazing.” He touched the bottom of my chin to turn so I’d meet his eyes.

I was in trouble. I’d tried pushing him away. I’d tried everything I could think of to save him from me. But he was still standing right there staring at me in that way.

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