Page 43 of Sweet Like a Psycho (Secrets of Suburbi 2)

“Why was it harder on you?” he asked.

“She suffered from severe depression for as long as I can remember. My father used to be the only one that could make her smile. She wasn’t really present most of the time because she was so doped up on drugs. Almost like she was numb. And when she was lucid, she wasn’t very nice. So the dark days stretched for longer periods after my father died. But she had the meds to numb her. I had to feel the loss every day.”

“I’m sorry, that must have been hard.”

It only got worse. I didn’t want to talk about my family. He was asking me too many personal questions. I pointed to the pet store in the distance. “Almost there.” I started to pick up my pace, but he grabbed my hand to slow me down. When I pulled him to go faster, he stopped moving completely. And then we were just standing in the middle of the mall holding hands. “People are going to talk.”

“If they have nothing better to do, then let them talk.”

“You moved here for a reason. Whatever that reason, if you get mixed up with me it’ll be ruined.”

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He lowered both his eyebrows. “Violet…”

“No, Brendan, stay away from her!” a woman shouted as she scooped up her son before he could get any closer to us. “You’re going to get yourself killed if you run off like that.” She glared at me as she bustled off with her toddler pressed close to her chest.

I had never seen her in my life. But she knew all about me. I could feel my face turning red. There was no explanation needed now. He had just seen firsthand the way people reacted when they saw me. “You don’t understand what it’s like here. It’s not just catty women spreading rumors. They’re…horrible, Tucker. It’s like a virus. I’ve never even seen that woman before.”

He squeezed my hand instead of letting go. “I’m glad we’re on a first name basis again.”

“That’s what you took away from what I just said?” I shook my head. “That’s the whole point…we shouldn’t be on a first name basis. You shouldn’t be talking to me at all. Especially in the middle of the mall during lunchtime.”

“What is it with you and lunch?” He started walking again, keeping my hand in his.

“It’s crowded when…”

“No, I got it the first time you said it. But you’re being ridiculous. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now than here with you. If that makes me part of this town’s gossip, that’s fine. Lunch shouldn’t be a forbidden word in your vocabulary. You have to learn to shake it off. What’s that old saying? Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you?”

I decided it was better to not tell him about that time someone cut my brakes and I almost careened into a tree. Or how my house became one big cracked egg on mischief night every year. Or that my son sometimes came back from school with bruises on the backs of his hands that literally looked like someone had hit him with a stick. And on top of all that? I disagreed. Words did hurt. Horrid rumors that followed you around for six years had a tendency to sting. I wasn’t weak for feeling that pain. I knew what weakness was. I was weak in high school. But now? I was strong because I was still standing in spite of everything I’d been through.

It was easy for someone who had never been ridiculed to say I needed thicker skin. He didn’t understand what it was like to be a pariah. I hoped he never would, despite the fact that he was being condescending. There were a lot of things in my life that were out of my control. But this one thing, I could prevent. I could make it so that he never knew what it felt like to be me. And it was easier to distance myself when I was pissed at him.

“Here we are.” I pulled my hand out of his and walked into the pet store. I kept my arms folded across my chest so that Tucker wouldn’t be able to grab my hand again and headed straight toward the back of the store. The closest aquarium needed my undivided attention.

Tucker cleared his throat. “So your stepfather and mother both passed away too, right?”

I didn’t realize that his only two points of conversation were my parents and how small-town gossip was harmless. But I’d honestly rather talk about them than hear anything else about sticks and stones. “Yeah. The summer after I graduated from high school.” I’d keep my answers short and to the point. I just needed to find the lizard and get out of here.

“That must have been hard too.”

I stood up straight and peered into the top of one of the aquariums. “I was pregnant with Zeke at the time. It was hard to focus on so much all at once. So I chose to be excited for Zeke’s arrival instead of mourning a family who never actually wanted me.”

“I’m sure they wanted you.”

I glared at him. He was putting his own judgment on a situation he knew nothing about again. “You never met them. Trust me, neither of them loved me. I was just a reminder of my dead father for both of them. And that was the way that they treated me.” I looked at the lizards in the next aquarium.

“I’m sorry. Expecting a baby when you were so young must have been hard all by itself. Was his father never in the picture?”

“He made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with the baby. So I wanted nothing to do with him.”

“The ex that you have the letters from…Joel. Is he Zeke’s father?”

I could still picture Joel asking me to go to California with him. All the promises he’d made. He hadn’t meant a word of it. He’d never loved me. But sometimes it was easier to lie. If you lied enough, some days it was hard to remember the truth. “Yes. But Zeke doesn’t know anything about his father and I don’t want him to. It’s always just been the two of us and he’s never asked.”

“So Joel knew you were pregnant and he just…left?”

“It’s easiest to see someone’s true colors when things get hard.”

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