Page 92 of The Truth in My Lies (Secrets of Suburbi 1)

“But your answer was hardly groundbreaking. Everyone says they want to be married with kids eventually.”

“Well, what about you, Addy? I sat in that appointment with you when you said you were positive you didn’t want children for at least three more years. Is that really the case?” His thumb never stopped tracing circles on my hip.

“I don’t want kids with him. I couldn’t handle losing another child. I barely kept going the first time. And actually having one with him would be worse. What if he hurt our baby too? What kind of mother would I be if I couldn’t protect my own child.”

“I don’t mean with him. He’ll be in prison soon and you’ll be divorced.”

“Is that so?”

Ben nodded. “It’s as good as done.”

“So who would I be having children with in this very plausible but still hypothetical situation?”

“Someone who cares for you. Someone who would never hurt you or your child.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“And who might that be?”

“It’s not your turn for a question.”

“I hate 21 questions. It was like this game was designed to torture me.”

He laughed. “Would you be open to the idea of having children with someone else?” He had reworded his question from earlier so that I’d give him the answer he wanted.

“Yes, I still want children. Are you implying that you want to knock me up?”

“I’m breaking the law for you, woman. My intentions are certainly clear.”

I started to laugh, but it died away when I looked at his face. He looked genuinely serious. I wanted to tell him how I felt. I needed him to know that I was falling for him. That I could see the same future he could. He broke your trust by going through those files. I grabbed my glass of wine and took another sip. The files didn’t matter. It was good that he went through them. They were going to help.

I pulled away from him, his hand falling from my hip. I needed space for a moment. It was hard to think straight around him. I took another sip of wine. Or maybe the alcohol was making my brain fuzzy.

He looked concerned. I knew he cared about me. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be sitting here right now. He opened his mouth, but I started talking before he had a chance to say anything.

“Ben, I have a hard time trusting people. Every time I open myself up, I’m crushed. My mother was very honest about not wanting me. My husband…” my voice trailed off and I looked down at my lap. “How am I supposed to believe you really care about me when I don’t know what it feels like to be cared about?”

“I believe you do know. It feels like this, Addy.” He placed his hand on my shin. His touch instantly soothed me.

I looked back up at him. “You mean that warm fuzzy feeling I get when I’m around you? Like nothing in the world seems bad anymore?”

“Oh, no. Not that.”

“No?”

“No, Addy. I believe that warm fuzzy feeling is more than caring. I believe that’s love.”

Love? My husband always said he loved me. And I mindlessly said it back. I wasn’t sure I had ever loved anyone. Even when I married my husband, it was to take care of my ill mother. And I certainly didn’t love my mother. I took care of her out of obligation, nothing more.

“You think I love you?” I asked. “I barely know you, Ben.”

“I think that maybe you have a hard time trusting, and caring, and loving. You’ve been through a lot. But I don’t think it means you’re incapable of those things. I understand if it takes you longer to feel the same way that I feel about you. You’re lucky that I’m a patient man.”

“You love me?”

“I’ve already let you ask a few questions in a row. Do you see yourself staying here? I primarily work in D.C. so it is a bit of a commute. But it’s not impossible.”

I just stared at him. It was like he knew exactly what he wanted. All I had wanted for the past decade was to get away from my husband. It’s the only thing I dreamed of. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Ever since I had first seen Ben mowing lawns, I had dreamed of him. It seemed like all my wildest dreams were about to come true. “I wouldn’t mind a change of scenery.”

“Good to know. And in answer to your earlier question…I love my job. I wouldn’t risk it for a simple crush. I think you’re amazing. And beautiful. And intoxicating. And yes, I could see myself five years from now with you by my side. With little kids with blonde hair.”

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