Page 53 of The Truth in My Lies (Secrets of Suburbi 1)

I shifted in my seat. “My mother raised me with the idea that I needed to marry up. That all I had going for me was my looks. That I was worthless unless I was some stupid trophy wife.” Resentment bubbled up in my chest. “She was furious at me for going to college. But I wanted more. And I loved school.” I smiled. I could still remember the classrooms. The smell of chalk and the wooden desks.

“What did you study?”

“Psychology.” I swallowed down my laugh. I knew it was ironic that I was the patient and not the doctor. My life had taken a horrible turn. But it was all my fault. There was no one to blame but myself.

I cleared my throat, shoving the bitterness aside. “My mother got sick during my sophomore year. We didn’t have much. I was paying for college through student loans and a waitressing gig that barely paid for books. Her medical bills were astronomical and it got to the point where she couldn’t even afford the medicine to help with side effects of treatment, let alone the treatment. I was drowning in debt.

“Growing up, I hated my mother. She never understood me. And she certainly never wanted me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

I laughed. “No. It’s true. She said it to me on numerous occasions. She blamed me for my father leaving. Everything that went wrong with her life, she put that on me. And she wasn’t afraid to voice that. But when she got sick, none of that mattered. Blood is blood. It was my responsibility to take care of her.

“I had this brilliant idea that if I found my dad, maybe he’d help me. Maybe he felt guilty for leaving. Maybe he’d suddenly care. I know how ridiculous…”

“It’s not. It’s not ridiculous to think someone would care about you.”

I swallowed hard. Ben believed in me so strongly. But I was weak. And pathetic. And so freaking stupid. “He left my mother as soon as I was born. Trust me, he didn’t care. But I didn’t really have any other options.

“I looked everywhere. But I couldn’t find him. It was like he disappeared after my birth. No records, no anything. And I was growing desperate. My studies were slipping. I was working night shifts and it wasn’t even close to enough.

“And then I met my husband.” I rubbed the spot on my finger where my engagement ring and wedding band were supposed to be. It felt good to not be weighed down by the precious metals. “He kind of just appeared when I needed him most. He was graduating in the spring and already had this amazing job lined up. He had a hefty inheritance after his parents died in a car accident a few years prior. And he was charming and such a smooth talker. He was everything my mom wanted for me.” Even if it was all a lie. “He promised me the world. He’d pay my debts. He’d pay for my mom’s treatment. He even hired a PI to help me find my dad.” God, there were so many signs.

“Sounds too good to be true.”

If only he knew. “Something like that. We got married right after he graduated. Only a month and a half after we met. I dropped out of college because he thought it was best. And I wanted to give him what he wanted so that he’d deliver on his promises.”

“Did he?”

“Yes. Every single one. My debts vanished. He started paying for my mom’s treatment and he kept looking for my dad.” I didn’t want to tell him anymore. But all of this made my husband look like a saint. I had to keep going. I bit the inside of my lip, trying to keep the demons inside.

“How is your mom now?” Ben asked, breaking the silence.

“She’s dead.” That was the simplest way to put it.

“I’m sorry, Addy.”

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t. Nothing about her death was okay. But he was skipping too far ahead in my story. This wasn’t coming out right.

“And did you find your father?”

I looked down at my hands. “Yes.”

“Did you get to have a relationship with him?”

“I talked to him. Once.” I could still remember his eyes. I had never seen so much fear in someone’s eyes before. Except maybe my own. Sometimes when I looked in the mirror, my eyes looked just like his. “He’s since passed.” Wording it that way made me cringe.

“Addy, I’m so sorry.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about my lack of family or their untimely demise. Ben would recognize my husband as a monster because of what he did to me. Not my family. Besides, if I was to believe my husband, it was my fault that they died. And deep down I knew that was true. I had led my husband right to them.

“None of that’s really important,” I said.

“Do you have any other family?”

I forced my hands to stay still. Because it was tempting to touch my stomach. It was tempting to remember the pain of almost having a family again. “No. It was always just my mother and me. And now that she’s gone…” I’m all alone, Ben. Please don’t leave me too.

“I’m sorry.”

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