Page 51 of The Truth in My Lies (Secrets of Suburbi 1)

“That wasn’t what I was saying.”

“

Really, Ben. You’re a good guy. You didn’t even make a mistake. I lied to you. No one has to know about this. We never even did anything but kiss. It’s not a big deal.” I flushed the toilet and rinsed my mouth out in the sink. He waited for me to turn off the water before he spoke again.

“You’re not getting it.” He lightly banged the back of his head against the wall. “I can’t seem to stay away from you, Addy.”

I finally got the courage to look at him. He was in pain. I was causing him that pain. But I didn’t know how to fix it. And honestly, I didn’t want to. He couldn’t stay away from me. Wasn’t that what I wanted?

“Why did you ask me to come tonight?” he asked.

“Because I don’t love him.”

He sighed and slowly stood up. “So you’re using me to get back on him…”

I shook my head. “That’s not it. I don’t care what he thinks at all. I tried so hard to stay away from you. I have. But I feel it too. I can’t stop. I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to you.”

He smiled, but it was sad. “So what is this?” He gestured back and forth between us. “Just fun for a while?”

I shook my head.

“I’ve told you what I’m looking for. But you never told me what you want. Are you planning on leaving him?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It seems pretty simple to me.”

I didn’t know what he wanted me to say.

“I know I should leave.” He sighed. “I know it, but I can’t make myself walk out that door.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re still gorgeous even when you just forced yourself to puke. How is that possible?”

I laughed.

“This isn’t funny.” But he was smiling too.

We stared at each other in the small bathroom. Him being here didn’t make sense. Me asking him to come made even less. But here we were.

“You’re right, it is simple,” I said. Getting a divorce wasn’t. That wasn’t the only way to part ways with my dear husband, though. There’d been another way this whole time. It had been calling to me. For years it had been calling.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I know it’s more complicated than just one question. And despite how much I like you, I don’t want to break up your marriage.”

“It’s already broken.” I couldn’t divorce my husband. I couldn’t leave. But I could kill him. “I’m going to end things with him. But I need some time.” My plan would need to be flawless. Good enough to kill him and good enough to get away with murder.

Chapter 26

He didn’t ask me how much time I’d need. He didn’t say anything at all. All he did was help me out of the bathroom.

I silently watched him go through my pantry. It wasn’t like he could find anything in there that would reveal anything else about me. He knew. He knew I was married and he was calmly going through my things.

He handed me a ginger ale. I didn’t ask for a cup or ice. I was just grateful to get the vile taste out of my mouth. I downed the soda as he watched me.

Say something. I certainly didn’t know what to say to him. I was asking him to have an affair, for Christ’s sake. The silence stretched between us.

I excused myself to brush my teeth. Not one word in the past 15 minutes besides for my exit from the kitchen. We were at an impasse. I spit out the toothpaste and brushed my tongue for the tenth time. I needed to fix this. The only way was to tell him the truth. He needed to know just how bad my marriage was. Because my marriage wasn’t based on love. It was simple, really. My husband owned me.

But how much could I tell Ben if I wanted him to stay? I needed him. It was wrong, but I didn’t see any other way. I’d tell him enough. Just enough so he’d be on my side. Just enough so he wouldn’t leave me.

I splashed my face with cold water. Ben already knew I was married and he wasn’t running. Maybe he wouldn’t leave if he knew everything.

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