Page 50 of The Truth in My Lies (Secrets of Suburbi 1)

“Then drink some water and flush them out of your system. You don’t have to make yourself throw up.”

“I thought you’d want to help me.” I suddenly felt alone again. It didn’t help that he was looking at me like I was crazy. “I’ll figure it out myself.” I grabbed my phone and clicked on the internet icon.

“I do want to help you.”

I opened up the top article. The best way to make yourself throw up was to watch someone else throw up? That wasn’t going to work. Ben wasn’t going to be willing to assist me with that. I clicked on the next article. Your index finger easily triggers your gag reflex. I stuck my finger into my mouth.

“Addy, stop it. They’ll be out of your system by the morning.”

I shook my head back and forth. Why wasn’t this working?

He pulled my hand out of my mouth.

“Ben!”

“Stop it.” He looked pissed. “Please, just stop for one second.”

“I have to do this. They’re making me crazy.” I stepped back from him. “They’re trying to make me think I’m insane.”

“Your doctor? I’m pretty sure it’s her job to help you. Not convince you that you’re crazy.”

I shook my head. “You don’t understand. It’s not just her.”

“Then who else is it?”

“Everyone!” Everyone was out to get me.

“I’m trying to help you. If your doctor is giving you prescriptions you don’t want, then go to a different doctor. I’ll drive you myself. We’ll figure it out.”

“It doesn’t matter who I go to. They’ll just do whatever he wants. He controls everything.”

“Who?”

“My husband!” That wasn’t the way I wanted to tell him. Whatever we had was over just as quickly as it started. I finally told him the truth and he just stood there silently. I watched him shove his hands into his pockets and I quickly turned my head away.

It was fine. I was used to being alone.

But that was a lie. It wasn’t fine. It hurt. He was supposed to say something. Anything. I pushed my finger back in my throat, harder than before, and instantly gagged.

I ran to the bathroom and threw open the lid on the toilet just as the contents of my stomach came back up to haunt me. And I enjoyed the burn. I enjoyed the hurt. Because pain was the only emotion I had felt in ages before Ben. It was the only thing that reminded me that I was alive.

I felt his presence in the bathroom. I didn’t understand why he was still here. He was supposed to run away. I was married. I was a monster.

He sat down next to me on the bathroom floor and gently rubbed my back. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this. He wasn’t allowed to be kind in the face of my cruelty.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “What are you still doing here?” The fingers of my other hand gripped the edge of the toilet bowl. “You don’t have to stay.”

He was quiet for a long moment, his hand running up and down my back. “They thought I was your husband at the clinic. You were wearing a wedding band and engagement ring at the civic association meeting.”

I didn’t have anything to say. I thought I had been so smooth.

“There were tons of signs, but I convinced myself that you were going through a divorce or something. You’re always here alone. You never mentioned him.”

Because I’m an awful person. But how I wished those things were true.

“But none of that really matters. I knew. It was easy to put together. I knew and I kept pursuing you.”

I sat back on my heels. It didn’t seem like anything else was going to come up from my stomach. I just had to suffer through this goodbye instead. “I get that. The chase is fun. And I was unobtainable. You can go now. I’ll be fine.” I couldn’t look at him. I just couldn’t.

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