Page 48 of The Truth in My Lies (Secrets of Suburbi 1)

Because my phone buzzed and danced across the tiled floor. And then it buzzed again. And again.

I flew to the ground and looked down at the cracked screen. The tears that didn’t come with agony somehow came with joy. Maybe my medicine couldn’t dull every emotion. It was just rare for me to experience joy when I was doped up. I wiped underneath my eyes and clicked on the text from the unknown number. It had come in four hours ago. Probably several minutes after I had left Ben’s house. My phone just hadn’t loaded the messages yet.

“It was definitely memorable. Although, our second date could be mind-blowing. I never did find out your favorite food. Maybe I’ll just prepare an assortment of meats for you for dinner tonight.”

I smiled. He didn’t ask if I wanted to come to dinner. He basically just told me it’s what was happening. I wiped away the remaining tears and clicked on the next message. It was from an hour after the first.

“It’s Ben by the way. In case you didn’t get that. You said something came up. Is everything okay?”

He was worried. For some reason that comforted me. I never had anyone in my life to worry before. At least, anyone I believed. Because my husband claimed he worried. But he only truly cared about himself. I clicked on Ben’s last message.

“Addy, you can’t exactly ghost me. I know where you live.”

I laughed and typed out a response. “I wouldn’t dare. I’m sorry, I had an appointment I forgot about.” I pressed the backspace until what I had typed disappeared. I didn’t want him to ask about my appointment. Honestly, I didn’t want to talk at all. I wanted to feel his strong arms around me. I wanted to feel whole for just one moment.

“You already have the only meat I want. Do you want to come over?” I pressed send before I chickened out.

I only had to wait one agonizing minute before my phone buzzed back to life.

“Do you want me to come in your back door?”

I laughed. The sexual innuendo wasn’t lost on me. But I actually wanted him to use the literal back door. “Absolutely.” I pressed send. I needed to get out of this ugly dress and into something a little more…me.

Chapter 25

I didn’t want Ben to fall for my pretty face. I wanted him to fall for me. Every broken piece, every untapped corner, every fiber of me. It wasn’t fair to ask him to do that.

But life was always unfair. It wasn’t fair that I was stuck in a relationship with no love. And it wasn’t fair to pull him into that mess. It wasn’t fair to trick him into falling for me. So I wiped off my lipstick and exchanged my jeans for the sweatpants that I usually reserved for cleaning. I pulled my hair into a knot on the top of my head and turned back to the mirror.

This was me. Sweatpants and all. Or was it? It was so rare that I got to be myself that I wasn’t even sure I remembered how. I was happy scrubbing every inch of the house on Fridays. Which meant sweatpants made me happy. I think. That made sense. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

Life truly was unfair. My pretty face hid the darkness inside. Even in this outfit and without makeup, I knew that I was attractive. But everyone knew that looks could be deceiving. Sometimes I wished that I’d have huge pores and warts. Maybe my husband would divorce me if I was hideous. I sighed and turned away from the mirror. That was wishful thinking. My face wasn’t what made him say “I do.” I had just found that out a few days too

late.

Tonight wasn’t about my mistakes. It was about my sanity. Ben would be here any minute. And I somehow needed to determine if he was real. I wasn’t sure how that was possible. I could picture the box in my hands. I remembered putting pictures into it. I remembered taking them. Years of documentation. And that wasn’t real.

I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. Unless my husband had found the box. He could have thrown it away. Burned it. Buried it in the backyard. A smile curled over my lips. How fitting would it be if I buried his body beside the box filled with the reasons why.

I pinched the bridge of my nose harder. God, I was insane. Who dreamed of murdering their husband? What kind of person smiled at the thought of death?

It was the pills. They were changing me. I shook my head. No. I had thought about killing him when I wasn’t on them too. I thought about what it would sound like when the bones in his neck snapped. Or how much blood would splatter on the walls if I hit him in the face with a frying pan.

I lowered my hand to cover my mouth. Was I crazy? Was the medicine actually helping me? I felt sick to my stomach. I looked toward the bathroom. The pills had been in my system for a while now. I wasn’t sure if making myself throw up would even help. Besides, I didn’t even know how to do it.

And what if Dr. Nash was right? It’s possible they were helping me not act upon my thoughts. It was even possible that she had been here and looked under my bed. There wouldn’t have been anything there. But I’d remember. I would have. Something like that would have stuck with me. And my husband would have responded when she left. He would have punished me.

Or maybe she did come. And she did find a box. And they were both plotting against me. That stupid whore. I’d love to hear her try to scream when my hands were around her neck.

I wrapped my arms around myself. How long had I been having those thoughts? Did insanity happen suddenly? Or was it a slow progression? I wasn’t sure I could remember being normal.

What if I had imagined looking for the box, but hadn’t actually done it? I knelt down on the ground again and looked under the bed. And I tried not to cry. My world had turned upside down. It felt like my mind was rewinding and fast forwarding at the same time.

I needed the pills out of my system. They were messing with my head.

A knock on the door downstairs made everything slow down for a moment. Ben. He’d know what to do. I struggled down the stairs. I had been on my feet all day, and my ankle was starting to protest.

Part of me wanted to be sexy when I opened the door. I wanted Ben to rip my clothes off and take me on the kitchen floor. But none of that prevented my lip from trembling when I saw him standing on the top step with a bottle of wine and a bouquet of roses. He was real. His ocean blue eyes. The dimple in his cheek as he smiled at me. And he was as perfect as I remembered.

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