Page 24 of The Truth in My Lies (Secrets of Suburbi 1)

“Alright,” the doctor said. “An implant is good for three years.” He looked at his clipboard. “You’re thirty. You’re sure you don’t want to have kids within the next three years?”

“Positive.” So freaking positive.

“Do you want to think about it for awhile? Of course, we can remove it early, but the pill is just as effective…”

“I don’t remember to take them.” I’m not allowed to take them. I couldn’t look at him. My eyes were glued to Ben’s hand. “And we decided to wait a bit. He’s focusing on his career,” I nodded to Ben. “And I’m just not…ready to have children anytime soon.” At least the last part was true.

“There are other options. A shot perhaps. It’s less invasive. We usually recommend visiting a gynecologist if you want the implant.”

“How often do you get the shot?” I didn’t have time to make a gynecologist appointment. I needed to get this done before my husband came back.

“Once every three months.”

“Okay, just do that then.” I lifted up my arm. I needed to get this over with and get as far away from this office as possible. And away from Ben. I could feel his eyes on me. Judging me. Maybe? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know him well enough to even know when he was judging me.

“We need to do a pregnancy test first. And I need to know more about your medical history. Have you ever been pregnant before?”

I didn’t want Ben here. I didn’t want to be here. “I don’t see why that matters.” But I knew why he was asking it. My gynecologist would have asked the same thing. It was standard medical practice.

“I can’t give you the shot without this information. Have you ever been pregnant before?”

I wanted the chair to swallow me whole. “Yes. But I lost the baby.”

“Abortion?”

My eyes snapped to his. How dare he assume the worst in me? “No.” I wanted to call him out on his rudeness, but all the fire in me was gone. I just wanted to go home and cry. “I lost the baby. I didn’t willingly terminate the pregnancy. I would never do that. And I’m not pregnant now so just give me the cup to pee in so we can hurry this along.” I sounded confident. But inside I was trembling. What if I was pregnant? The doctor had every right to assume the worst in me. Because if I was pregnant now I wouldn’t hesitate to terminate the pregnancy. I wouldn’t even blink.

He handed me a cup. “Bathroom is down the hall. Leave the cup on the counter for processing.”

Ben stood up with me and I swatted his hand away. “I’m fine. Really.” But I wasn’t fine. I stumbled down the hall and into the bathroom. God, I wasn’t fine.

Both men looked at me as I hopped back into the exam room.

“We really do need to get going,” I said, without looking at either of them. Can you check on the results?” It felt like my knees were about the buckle. Please don’t let me be pregnant. Please.

“I have a few more questions before we can administer the shot,” the doctor said.

I sat down with a sigh. Maybe I was an ill-tempered child.

“We need a record of your sexual history,” he said while staring down at his clipboard.

Was he being serious right now? Was it his mission to mortify me? “I don’t know what you mean by that.” But I did.

“How many partners have you been with?”

I’m sure my face was bright red. It felt like he was torturing me for no reason. “One.”

“Great.” He jotted it down. “And I just need to make sure you know that the shot does not protect you from STD’s. You will still need to take precaution when…”

“I understand how sex works.” I wanted this to be a dream. A terrible, awful dream. “If you have any other questions for me could you maybe just give me a form to fill out?”

“That was actually the last question. Everything else I needed to know was in the medical forms you filled out before coming in.”

And why weren’t the awkward, invasive questions a part of the questionnaire? It was as if he wanted to humiliate me.

Joanne stuck her head in. “She’s good to go.”

The doctor already had the shot ready. He was probably as excited to be rid of me as I was to be rid of him.

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