Page 100 of The Truth in My Lies (Secrets of Suburbi 1)

Even if I didn’t, the cops could put it together. The evidence was in the pictures, just like I had told myself. Pictures of myself with bruises and cuts. I pushed them around, staring at the dates. Some were old, from when I had been trying to prove my husband’s abuse. But most of them were taken after his death. I had taken one on each day that I killed someone. To remind myself what the monsters I was killing were capable of. The proof was in the pictures all along. But not of my husband’s actions. Of mine.

The cops would see the new names of my patients. They could find them and ask them who killed their husbands. It was only a matter of time before one of them caved. All the evidence was right here. I looked around at all the boxes. Right here in cardboard boxes. Highly flammable cardboard boxes. I bit the inside of my lip.

I could turn myself in and face the consequences. Face death. That had been the plan. To help my patients. And then die. There were 27 crosses in the woods. I had already made my own grave marker. I had wanted to die for so long. Until I met Ben. It felt like my heart had started beating when I met him. He had ruined everything.

Turning myself in wasn’t the only option, though. I could find new people to help online. In support chats. Or in actual meetings. There were so many people that still needed my help. I knew it in my gut. There was still more work to be done. I should have felt bad about the murders, but I didn’t. I felt proud. Doing this was so much better than being a psychologist. I had saved these women’s lives. And by doing so, I had given my pathetic excuse of a life meaning. There was no real reason to stop. All I had to do was destroy the evidence. It would be so easy.

But I had already told Ben about the passports. About Maria’s new name. I had told him too much. If I wanted to keep going, I’d have to do more than destroy the evidence. Ben was the only one that had ever seen me. He was the only one that knew any of my secrets. He’d be able to find me if I ran.

So I had to kill him.

Chapter 49

I poured the remaining kerosene over the boxes of evidence. No, I had never seen the whole Home Alone movie. But I didn’t need all the gimmicks. The kerosene would be plenty.

I looked up at the camera mounted in the corner of one of the kitchen cabinets. He was probably watching me right now. Why wasn’t he stopping me? He had to know what I’d done by now. Didn’t he know I was coming for him next? I walked over to the stove and turned the gas on.

But I didn’t light it. I let the gas spread into the room. This wasn’t the first time I had done this. I breathed it in. It reminded me of being Dr. Nash. Of being Jennifer Clarke. It reminded me of freedom. This would all be over soon. And I could add a few pills to my cocktail to make myself forget.

“Freeze,” Ben said.

I felt the barrel of his gun press into the back of my head. Yes, I had done this before, but never after someone was so close to catching me. This wasn’t how Ben and my last moment together was supposed to go. I had forgotten that he had a key to my house. And if I was being honest, there were no pills that would make me forget him. I closed my eyes, wishing I was back in his arms. Just hearing his voice and feeling his presence reminded me of how I felt. I loved him. I could never hurt him. But it certainly seemed like he was about to hurt me.

“I didn’t know if you were watching,” I said.

“I told you I was always watching.”

Something constricted in my chest. Maybe there was another way out. Would he believe me if I told him I was innocent? Would he run away with me? “Ben, whatever you think you know…”

“Save it, Addy. Maria didn’t hesitate to tell us everything. That The Doctor was a woman. That The Doctor claimed she understood what it was like to be a victim. That she understood what it was like for everything to be taken from her. Her mother. Her father. Her unborn child.”

I swallowed hard.

“Maria said that The Doctor had gotten revenge on her husband. And that she had helped others get revenge too. Maria didn’t hold anything back.”

That ungrateful bitch. I had saved her from hell and this was how she repaid me? I knew she wasn’t my friend. Employees were very different than friends. “It wasn’t me, Ben.”

The barrel shifted slightly. “Do you even know how to tell the truth?”

“Yes. And the cops are going to be here any second. I need a minute to explain. Can we go for a walk?” I needed to get out of the house. Far away from the imminent fire.

“There’s nothing to explain. You murdered your father. Your husband. And 20 other innocent people.”

“Innocent? Ben, they were abusing my patients!”

“And they should have gone to jail. Just like your husband should have gone to jail, Addy. The punishment for abuse is not death. I understand that you were hurting…”

“You don’t understand! How could you possibly understand what it’s like to have your soul ripped out?”

“I understand better than you think.” The gun fell from the back of my head.

I turned around to face him. I had never seen such agony in someone’s face. Ben wasn’t anything like my husband, or my father, or the other men I had killed. He was good. So good.

“How do you think it feels to fall in love with the suspect you’re supposed to be hunting down?” he asked. “A person you thought you knew but don’t even recognize anymore?”

“Not good.” Probably similar to how it felt knowing that I needed to kill him but couldn’t. Knowing that I loved him but that I’d never get to be with him.

He laughed, but it wasn’t his normal infectious laugh. It was forced. And sad. “Yeah, not great.”

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