Page 9 of Carved in Ice (Made of Steel 3)

“Try me.”

My eyes locked with his. “Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t see a reason to try anymore. Wouldn’t it be better if you were relieved when I died instead of missing me?”

Eli lowered his eyebrows. “No. And I think you’re underestimating how much I care about you. Even when you’ve been pushing me away. If you died, I’d miss you every day.”

I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to know that at least one person still cared if I was breathing. “But I’ve been such a bitch.”

He laughed. “I never said that.”

I leaned over and nudged my shoulder against his.

He nudged mine back. “I know all of this is hard. I lived undercover for over a year. It’s easy to lose yourself.”

“Yeah.” But I wasn’t sure that was my problem. If anything, I desperately wanted to forget who I was. I wanted to be able to let go of all the pain I was holding on to. I didn’t want to tell Eli that, though. How could you tell someone who liked you that you wanted to throw up every time you looked in the mirror? I hated who he loved. “I hate the snow,” I said to break the awkward silence that had settled around us.

“Why?”

I thought I knew why, but my confession held more weight than I imagined. I had lost my baby in a blizzard. Before that I had loved the snow. It reminded me of Miles. Now that I had lost him too? “Nothing good ever happens in the snow.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have been aiming a pistol from an insane distance. If you'd fired it, you would have added to the evidence that nothing good happens when it snows You could have easily hit a child, Summer.”

I wiped a stray tear away. “Maybe I have lost my mind. It just feels like the longer this goes on, the more I lose.” I let my eyes meet his again. I had lost Miles. I had lost V. And I had lost Eli too. “No one believes in me anymore.” That wasn’t exactly what I meant. But how could I tell him that no one loved me anymore? That it felt like for one second I had everything and it was all taken away again?

“I’m not going anywhere.”

It was like he could sense my true confession.

He scrunched his mouth to the side, the action that reminded me of Miles so much. My heart constricted.

“Dr. Miller is here.” Athena’s voice flooded the apartment.

Eli cleared his throat. “Dr. Miller thinks your name is Alison Montgomery. Talk to him, but try not to give him any information he doesn’t need.” He looked up to one of the cameras mounted in the corner of the living room. “Athena, secure the base.” He stood up and put his hand out for me. I ignored the sound of the faux wall descending. It would hide our surely illegal security and training set up. I had thought it was an unnecessary and expensive precaution. But we were finally using it now. Besides, it didn’t matter. I had all the money in the world and barely any time to use it.

I slipped my hand into Eli’s and he helped me to my feet. “If you want to continue our discussion later, my bedroom door is always unlocked.” He squeezed my hand and then dropped it.

I watched him disappear down the hall. Suddenly I didn’t feel so alone. I was also very aware of the fact that his touch didn’t feel scalding hot.

Chapter 5

Sunday

What was I allowed to say? It felt like Dr. Miller could see right through me. I glanced at the camera mounted in the corner of the kitchen. Was V watching me right now?

“Alison?”

I ignored Dr. Miller. How was I supposed to talk about anything with that camera right there?

“Alison?” He reached out and lightly touched my hand.

I immediately pulled away. “I’m sorry, I think agreeing to see you was a mistake.”

“Agreeing was the first step, but you need to talk to me. Why don’t we start from the beginning. Tell me about your parents.”

Was he trying to make my heart bleed? “Clearly you already know all about me.”

“On the contrary, Alison. I know nothing about you. My patient said he had a friend that needed help. So here I am.”

“You know nothing about me?”

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