Page 75 of Forged in Flames (Made of Steel 2)

I slid off the table, very aware of the fact that my ass cheeks probably left a mark as they squeaked against the glass. But he didn't move. He kept his hands on the table, caging me in.

"Two days is two days too late," I said.

"After you learn to trust me, I'll teach you how to protect yourself."

"You're asking me to trust you with my life."

"I think you just found that my hands are very capable of taking care of you."

I scowled at him.

"Get dressed. We can start by getting you in better shape."

I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped. "Did you just call me fat?"

He laughed and stepped back, allowing me to pass. "Run faster. Jump higher. That kind of thing."

"Mhm." I snatched my clothes off the groun

d.

"I didn't say anything about losing weight!" he called after me as I retreated into the bedroom to find some workout clothes.

Chapter 30

Wednesday

My shoulders ached as I tried to reach for the zipper on the back of my dress. Damn it. But I wasn't upset about the dress. I was upset about the fact that my life was a fucking mess. How could I go on a date with Eli when I was already confused enough? And I didn't have time to be confused about any of it. I was supposed to be focusing on whatever the hell was going to happen in two days.

Telling myself that I needed to eat tonight no matter where I was seemed to settle me down. Eli wanted it to be a real date, but that didn't technically make it real. It was just for appearances. It was to keep Kins safe. Miles safe. God, Miles.

I turned to look at my back in the mirror. The zipper was somehow just out of reach no matter how much I twisted and stretched. There was a scar right beneath where the zipper should have ended. I picked out this dress specifically because it didn't show any scars.

I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. My eyes gravitated down to my Converses. I could wear different shoes. Eli was coming here to pick me up. He'd be with me at dinner. And then he was going to walk back here with me for the meeting. I'd never be alone. He'd be there with me the whole time to keep me safe.

But reasons regarding Eli weren't why I wanted to take my Converses off. Just seeing them reminded me of Julie. I thought about the picture of her and her fiancé, Jacob. They had looked so happy. And I remembered her getting the Converses from him and showing them off to me. She was so smitten with him. It was almost as if her life was beginning the day mine ended. And now...

I tried to dismiss the thought, but I couldn't keep it at bay. And now she's dead because of me. I didn't want to believe it was true. It was possible that she was out there, somewhere. It just seemed like we'd be able to find her if that was true. Cases for missing people that weren't found within a month weren't exactly promising. I was an example of that. No, I wasn't dead. But I wasn't Summer Brooks anymore either.

I reached down to untie my shoes but stopped when my fingers touched the laces. Miles liked my shoes. I had consumed a lot of alcohol the night I ran into him in the observatory. But I was pretty sure he had told me that he liked my shoes. Even though they didn't match my dress. Yes, Miles had definitely complemented them. I also remembered that Eli didn't seem to like them. He didn't say so, but he also didn't defend my choice in front of Kins.

I stood up. I wasn't sure if it was because Miles liked them or because Eli didn't that I kept them on. Maybe it was a combination of the two. I also had an eerie feeling that maybe if Julie had still been wearing hers, she wouldn't have gotten kidnapped. That wasn't going to happen to me. I'd die before I was back under Don's thumb.

Before leaving the room, I turned to look in the mirror once more. Normally I'd wear something that hid the pendant around my neck. But I no longer had my most prized possession. I stared at my reflection. There was something different about the person staring back at me. It wasn't the low cut of the dress, or the makeup I was wearing. It wasn't even the fact that I had brown hair and brown eyes instead of my normal red hair and blue eyes. For the first time in nine years, I didn't look scared.

It didn't make any sense. I had just found out that I had a relative I didn't know about who was most likely trying to kill me. I probably only had two days left to live. But there wasn't fear in my eyes. For years, I had no one on my side. Now I had a whole team of people and friends, including three guys who cared about me. Three. And it was selfish, but I didn't have any desire to let any of them go. I liked the sense of security it gave me to know I had people watching my back. Because who was I kidding? I couldn't even manage to reach a zipper on my back. How on earth was I planning on protecting myself without them?

And I was pretty sure none of them would love all of me. They just liked the part of me that they saw. Miles was in love with Summer Brooks, a carefree girl with an easy smile. Eli was in love with the tortured part of me, the one who hid in broad daylight and was scared to say a word. And V loved the person I was becoming, a person who'd eventually be strong enough not to need him. Because the truth was, I was unlovable as a whole. I didn't even love myself. I hated looking in the mirror. I hated the person I had become. And I wasn't scared of my current predicament, because the truth was that I was tired of living.

The thought hit me hard as I blinked away my tears. My parents were dead. My grandmother was dead. Julie was most likely dead. And the three people left that cared about me the most would probably all die trying to protect me. So wasn't it just better if I died first? I wiped away the tears under my eyes and turned away from the mirror.

It wasn't that I was giving up. It was simply that there was no hope. We had no leads. We had no idea what Don was planning. Even if I was still breathing in two days, I was still dead inside. And I couldn't even embrace being Sadie Davis anymore because she was already someone else. Coming here wasn't a fresh start. Coming here was the end.

So why did it feel like a beginning whenever I was around Miles, Eli, and V? Maybe it was because I was starved for love. That's why it was so hard to turn any of them away. I was lucky to have met each of them. A part of me could even imagine a future with each of them. I loved Miles because he reminded me of what it felt like to be whole. I loved Eli because he was proof that I could be loved despite being broken. And I loved V because he made me feel optimistic of a future, no matter how unrealistic it was.

But none of those futures could possibly exist. I was incapable of love, despite how torn I felt about each of them. My heart was too full of hate. I was consumed with something that seemed bigger than a feeling. It truly felt like my heart was only still beating because Don was still breathing. And when I ended his life, I'd finally be free.

Before I was out of time, I needed to tell each of them. I needed them to understand that their lives were better off without me in them. It shouldn't be hard. None of them loved all of me. How could they?

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