"I'm staying at a friend's house tonight."

He raised his eyebrow. "Just a fr

iend?"

I shrugged. Kind of. "Yeah, just a friend."

The smile returned to his face. For some reason, I couldn't look away. The other night I had been so close to kissing him. It's as if his lips were taunting me, rubbing in the fact that they were something I could never have.

"There's a meteor shower tonight. Watch it with me."

He's asking me on a date. My heart seemed to skip a beat. "I can't tonight." All of this was my fault. I had led him on when I had pulled him into Central Park. And I couldn't even blame it on the fact that I was drunk. I just loved spending time with him. It was like I was addicted to that smile of his. And his laugh. I wanted to hear him laugh again.

"We can't exactly catch it another night," he said. "And the observatory is great even when you're not drunk. I promise."

I laughed. "Yeah, well..." I let my voice trail off. "Thanks for not reporting me by the way."

"Thanks for not reporting me."

God, I had completely forgotten that I had threatened to do that. I pressed my lips together as I stared up at him. "Can I have your number?" I didn't realize what I was saying until it had already slipped out. "I mean, just in case I end up watching it. I can text you during." What am I doing?

He smiled. "Yeah, one sec." He disappeared back into his room and then reemerged with a pen in his hand. "Do you mind..." his voice trailed off as he reached out and ran his fingers down my wrist.

Not in the slightest. I lifted my hand.

He turned my hand over so that my palm was pressed against his. He pulled the cap of the pen off in his mouth and wrote his number on the back of my hand.

I swallowed hard when he didn't let go.

He rubbed his thumb along the numbers, probably making sure they were dry. But it just seemed like he wanted to touch me. In that moment, being with him in the future seemed like believing in the impossible. Maybe a life with him was the adventure I should be embracing. Why was I so actively running away from him?

To keep him safe.

"You know, one day you're going to say yes to me."

I locked eyes with him. "In your dreams."

He laughed and lowered my hand.

The sound made my insides flip over.

It took me a second to realize that we were standing in the middle of our hallway holding hands. For all I knew, this could be the last time I ever saw him. I didn't want to let go of his hand. But I knew my choice had already been made. "Enjoy the meteor shower." I dropped his hand. My whole body instantly felt cold. "I know how much you like watching the stars alone."

The smile seemed to fade from his face.

And I knew why it faded. Because it was a lie. He missed watching them with me too. I could see it in his eyes. He thought I abandoned him. Or that I was dead.

He pushed his hair off his forehead. "Have a good night, Sadie." He walked back into his room and closed the door without another word.

For the first time, I thought maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe avoiding him and pushing him away wasn't the answer. Because it seemed like I was hurting him either way.

I quickly walked away from his room. He was upset because I was leading him on. I pushed through the door to the stairs. Asking him for his number one minute and then reminding him that he liked being alone didn't exactly align. He should be mad at me. I was mad at myself.

I was furious with myself for sleeping with Eli. And I felt cheap for sleeping with the vigilante. The first time we were together, I was completely heartbroken. I had slept with him to help forget about Miles. But it wasn't exactly easy to dismiss the only person I had ever loved.

My back started to ache before I even exited the stairs. I should have let Eli walk me to the vigilante's lair when he had offered. But a part of me didn't want Eli asking me a million questions about why I was bringing so much stuff with me. I walked outside and took a deep breath. All the thoughts rolling around in my head were just distractions. I needed to stay focused on what truly mattered.

For some reason I found myself taking the route that allowed me to pass by the Corner Diner. I stood outside again and peered in. No Joan. She had completely disappeared, just like Don. None of it made any sense. I was missing some important link.