Page 94 of Forged in Flames (Made of Steel 2)

And now it was almost done beating. My fingers tightened around the pendant. So why couldn't I put it back on? Was it because I didn't know if it belonged there anymore? I had feelings for V and Eli. But if I was being honest with myself, it wasn't the same way I felt about Miles. I didn't feel bad about that, though. I couldn't. What was the point of regretting my feelings when my whole life was a series of regrets? I didn't have the strength to feel any worse.

But I did feel guilty for a different reason. Miles deserved to know the truth. By this time tomorrow he would. By this time tomorrow it would also be too late. I let go of the pendant and let it settle back in my pocket. Tomorrow Miles would know and my guilt wouldn't be so heavy. I'd be able to put the necklace back on and I'd be wearing it when my heart stopped beating. No matter what. It belonged next to my heart.

It was possible that my parents' whole relationship was a lie. Which meant the only thing I knew for sure was that Miles loved me. And I loved him. That was it. Jane was wrong. True love did exist. My new appearance hadn't changed anything. We were drawn to each other just like we had been when we were kids.

I looked up at my dorm building. I still didn't know what I was going to do. It wouldn't be easy to slide the letter under his door and walk away, but it might be for the best. Luckily, I had time to decide because I had written a letter to Kins too, thanking her for being such a good roommate. I waved my access card against the scanner and the doors clicked open.

Recently I had taken the stairs. But tonight I felt weak. I wasn't sure if I could climb that many stories. So I hit the button for the elevator. I was relieved to see that no one else was in it when the doors dinged open.

I stepped off the elevator and the hallway was empty. It was past 9 o'clock on a Thursday. Students were probably out getting wasted, doing normal college things. I made my way down the hall and stopped outside of my room. There was no reason to knock. Kins wasn't there. She spent all her time with Patrick. I knew what young love was like. It was supposed to be all-encompassing. I leaned down and slid my letter to her under the door.

The hallway was still empty as I approached Miles' door. I looked down at the letter in my hand. I loved him. I couldn't tell him who I was right now. But I could show him. A letter wasn't enough. I definitely needed to show him. I needed him to know. I knocked on his door.

But there was no answer.

I knocked again. Please, Miles. I need you.

But he wasn't there.

I looked back down at the letter in my hands. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be. I thought about his hand in mine in his tree house. And his lips brushing against mine on my grandmother's roof. And our kiss in Central Park. I wiped a tear from beneath my eye. No. None of this was how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to live happily ever after.

I leaned down and slid the letter under his door. It seemed harsh to end it with a letter. But our letters were what had torn us apart in the first place. I wished I had never stopped writing to him. I wished I had never let my heart fill with hate. I knocked one more time even though I knew it was useless. I pressed my palm against the door and then I walked away.

At first I felt numb. But then it felt like I couldn't breathe. I touched the pendant in my pocket, but it didn't calm me down. I was falling. And no one was there to catch me. I took a huge gulp of air. I n

eeded the stars. I fucking hated this city. I needed to scream at the top of my lungs. I needed to touch the sky.

I opened up the door to the stairs. I knew I wouldn't be able to get up on the roof like Miles had that night. He had a key. But I needed to try. I couldn't breathe. I was running out of heartbeats. I was running out of breaths. I was running out of reasons to keep living.

When I reached the top I jiggled the handle of the door. It was locked. No. I pounded my hand against the door. Someone help me. Please. I pounded my hand against the door again. I was going to run out of time in this dingy stairwell.

But then there was a clicking noise and the door opened. And he was there. And the fresh air filled my lungs. Or maybe it was just the sight of him that made me feel like I could breathe again. "Miles."

He smiled out of the corner of his mouth. "Sadie."

I stepped onto the roof and stared at him. For some reason, I thought I was imagining him. It wouldn't be the first time. I used to dream of him all the time. But this wasn't a dream. His presence calmed me like only he could. His body radiated warmth. He smelled like home. He was everything to me. I swallowed hard. I thought I needed the stars, but that wasn't true. I needed him. And that damn smile.

I grabbed the front of his t-shirt, stood on my tiptoes, and kissed him. I think that maybe my heart started beating when I met him. He might be the only thing that kept it going all these years. And kissing him jumpstarted it again. I needed him to understand that. A letter wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

And I knew he felt it too. He moved forward, pressing my back against the door, sandwiching me in place. He made the ticking in my head slow. But it was still there. I was still running out of time. I needed more.

I ran my fingers down the front of shirt to the waistline of his pants.

"Sadie," he groaned. "The last time we kissed, you freaked out and ran away."

I undid the button of his jeans and slowly unzipped them.

"We should slow down." He grabbed my hand and lifted it away from him.

But that wasn't going to stop me. "I don't want to slow down, Miles. I want you."

"You can't just keep showing up and pretending everything is okay." His Adam's apple slowly rose and fell as he stared down at me.

"I'm not pretending." I swallowed hard. He already felt my distance. He could feel my lies. Could he feel me slipping away?

"Jesus, you're crying."

Before I could reach down to wipe my tears, he pulled back and lightly brushed my tears away with his thumbs. There was something so intimate about the action. It made my tears run faster.

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