Page 84 of Forged in Flames (Made of Steel 2)

"Most definitely, yes."

"That isn't true," V said. "She's pulling numbers out of her ass. And we don't even know if it was Don in the woods. That could be a picture of any teenager. She's making leaps she can't justify."

"I never pull anything out of my ass, thank you very much. No one has ever even touched me there. Not that I'm opposed to it, it's just never happened is all." Liza cleared her throat.

God. I looked down at my hands. The uneasy feeling in my stomach was gone. My heart palpitations were gone. All the fight in me had just drained away. "Well, thank you all for trying to help me. I really appreciate it..."

"Summer, we're not going to let anything happen to you," Eli said.

I stood up from my chair. "I'm tired. I think I'm going to call it a night." But I wasn't really tired. At least, not physically. Maybe I was tired of living, but I hated the idea of even thinking that. Really I was just lying. I needed to do something. Before it was too late. Before I ran out of time.

"Awesome," Liza said and closed her laptop. "So, are we all done here?"

V slammed his hand against the table. "No, we're not done! Sadie, you don't just get to give up when things get hard. That's not how this works. You can't quit right now. We're so close."

"I'm going to die before I ever fully understand any of this. And I can't die before I let the people I care about most know the truth. I just need to write..."

"You can't leave a paper trail," Liza quickly said. "Are you trying to get us all killed?"

"Fine. Liza, I appreciate your help. I'm glad you always told me the truth when no one else did. And that you gave us a perspective that this group so desperately needed. Because I'm just one person in this sea of people and no one...no one gives a shit about me."

"Summer..." Eli started.

"And Eli. I get that you think you know me. You think I'm some tortured girl that needs to be saved. I love that you want to save me. But honestly, I don't need to be saved. All I want is to be that kid again. A person that you never knew. But Don stole that from me and I'm never going to get it back. I'll never be the person I want to be because Summer Brooks is dead. She's gone. And I hate the tortured part of me the most. I hate that you fell in love with the worst side of me. I hate that it's tainted by pain." I wiped the tears off my cheeks. "But I so appreciate you. You deserve so much better than a small piece of me."

He parted his lips like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

"And you," I said and pointed at V. "I love you too."

"Sadie." He started walking toward me.

"But you don't want my love. You can't accept it because you don't love yourself. And I get that better than anyone. Because you're a reflection of me, right? I hate looking in the mirror. I hate what I've become. Stop."

He was standing right in front of me.

"You fell in love with the idea of me becoming something great. Becoming something better than whatever the hell I'm existing as now. You said you saw a light in me. But it's only darkness. I loved your hope. But it's wasted on me. Don't you see that? You fell in love with a piece of me that will never come to fruition."

V put his hands on my shoulders.

I ignored the feeling of my pain being taken away. I wanted the pain tonight. I pushed his hands away. "You don't get to decide how I deal with my own fate. None of you do." I took a few steps away from him, breathing easier the farther away I got. "So thank you for helping me." I opened up the door to my room. "I meant what I said. But you don't get to tell me how to spend my last night." I stepped into my room. "You don't get to tell me to keep living when none of you know my full story. You have no idea how hard it is to breathe. You have no idea how many nights I'd fall asleep and pray I wouldn't wake up. You don't know me."

None of them said a word.

I closed the door and locked it. "Athena, lights on," I whispered.

She didn't reply.

I pressed my back against the door and slid down until my butt hit the floor. "Athena, lights on," I said through my sobs.

Nothing.

I didn't question her decision to not speak to me. I was mad at myself too. Or maybe she just realized that my soul was so dark that I wouldn't be able to see the light.

Chapter 33

Wednesday

I stared down at the words I had written. I could barely see them through the small amount of light streaming underneath the door. There was no right way to describe what had happened. No right way to make it better. I had already hurt him and I had no idea how to fix it.

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