Page 81 of Forged in Flames (Made of Steel 2)

John laughed. "Don't you know it. The last thing I need right now is to be arrested by my buddy who moonlights as a cop. You owe me one for putting my neck out, man."

I looked away as Eli signed his name next to mine. I didn't want him to get in trouble for trying to help me. Eli had seen me during my worst years. And he wanted to make it so that I wasn't in pain anymore. He just didn't realize that killing Don was the only thing that would numb my pain.

***

I stared down at the gun in my hand. It was heavier than I imagined it would be. I was holding the thing that would give me justice. It was hard to pay attention to Eli's instructions when I realized just how heavy justice felt in my hands. Or was it revenge that weighed so heavily on my shoulders? I tried to keep the thought below the surface as Eli repositioned the large earmuffs on my ears. He nodded toward the target.

I turned around and lifted the gun. My arms shook slightly, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the weight on my sore muscles or something more. Everything was muted and time seemed to slow down. Even the safety glasses I was wearing altered reality. None of this felt real. I stared at the target, an outline of a man. And I pictured Don. I pictured the smile on his face that he got whenever he took away mine. I wasn't sure how long I stood staring at the target before I felt Eli's body behind me.

He steadied my hands with his and lifted the gun slightly. His fingers expertly removed the safety while I stared at the target. With his help, I pressed the trigger for the first time. With his help, I didn't fall backwards from the recoil of the gun. With his help, I shot the target right in the chest. With his help, I felt stronger than ever. I turned around. Eli's hands still lingered on my arms. It somehow grounded me.

He took the gun from me and set it on the tray nearby. "Let me do it," Eli said. "Let me pull the trigger."

I was supposed to be saying goodbye to Eli tonight. He had witnessed the worst part of me. And that part of me was growing. Soon it might be all that I had left. So, no, I wasn't going to let him go. If I did, that part of me might fade. And I needed it. I needed the darkness in order to end my pain.

"It has to be me," I whispered against his lips. Every second he seemed to move a fraction of an inch closer to me. "I don't want his blood on your hands."

He placed his hand on the back of my neck, drawing me even closer. "I'd rather it be on mine than yours." He stopped moving, as if he was waiting for me to make a choice.

I had made my choice the first time Don had touched me. But there was a new choice I could make. I could let Eli in. I could let him love that part of me that he knew. And I could revel in it. I could cherish it. I stood on my tiptoes and let my lips brush against his.

He immediately deepened the kiss. I had been right earlier. I did love him. I loved that he could love me despite how broken I was.

Maybe love was just an excuse to get hurt. Maybe I was just trying to die from all the pain in my life. When his lips were on mine, though, it felt an awful lot like living. But I had a terrible lingering thought as his hand slid down my back. What if I liked being hurt? What if that feeling was all I'd ever truly know? I tried to focus on the kiss, hoping that the warmth of his body against mine could take away the chill creeping down my spine.

Chapter 32

Wednesday

"Finally," V said as Eli and I walked into the door. "We've been waiting for you guys."

Liza continued typing on her computer without even looking up. "We were doing just fine without them, I think."

"Where have you been?" V said, ignoring Liza.

I didn't want V to know about the shooting range. "The restaurant. It just took a little longer than we thought it would."

"Yeah, the service was ridiculously slow for such a fancy place," Eli added.

V shook his head and turned away from us.

"Thank you," I mouthed silently at Eli.

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. We both made our way over to the glass table. I cringed as I sat down next to Eli. Everything in V's apartment was spotless. But V hadn't managed to clean off the smudges my body had made against the table earlier. I could feel my face flushing. Had he done that on purpose? Did anyone else notice that there was an outline of my ass on the edge of the table? I glanced up at him and noticed the frown on his lips. I immediately looked back down.

"Glad you had fun on your fake date," Liza said. "Meanwhile, we've been doing all the real work. And you won't believe what we found." She finally looked up from her computer.

"What did you find?" I asked. It was good that someone else wanted to ch

ange the subject too.

"Well after a lot of digging, V and I figured out who Sadie Davis is," Liza said and lightly touched her hand on V's arm. She kept her hand there a beat too long.

I tried to focus on her words instead of her actions. Besides, I had just kissed Eli. I couldn't be jealous of a simple lingering touch. "So who is she?" I asked.

"Her real name is Jane Davis."

"Okay, so she isn't related to me then. Wagner was my mother's maiden name. Not Davis."

---