Page 8 of Forged in Flames (Made of Steel 2)

"What do you want to know exactly?"

I just needed to know about my grandmother passing and what he remembered after that. Instead, "The whole story," slipped out of my mouth.

"It's a long story."

I rested my head against his strong chest and breathed him in. "I have all night."

He shifted so that his chin was resting on the top of my head. His hand slid down my back, stopping at the base of my spine. I was so comfortable in his arms. It was like time had stopped. We were still kids, falling asleep in his tree house. There was no fire. There was no pain. My eyelids suddenly felt heavy. I was home again.

"When I was eight, she moved in next door," he finally said, breaking the spell.

I forced myself to keep my eyes open. I needed to hear this. I had always wondered what our relationship meant to him. For the past several years, I had convinced myself that he had never cared about me. I had told myself that I had made it up in my head. That my love for him was completely one sided. I realized I was holding my breath, and slowly exhaled.

"She was so full of life, I don't really know how else to explain it. The first time I saw her, she was running across the yard, chasing after a bunny. To clarify, she was younger than me. She was only six. Still, I don't know why she thought she could catch it."

I smiled against his chest.

"But that wasn't really the point. What I remember was how her hair caught in the sun. It was this really beautiful shade of red. When you looked at it in the sun, it seemed like it was made up of hundreds of different colors. You'll probably make fun of me, but that first moment I saw her, I was completely consumed. I mean, I was just a kid, I didn't really know what love was. But it kind of felt like love at first sight. Summer was the perfect name for her. She had so much warmth. So much joy. So much optimism." His voice seemed to falter.

I didn't say a word. I had never known that. I thought he hated me at first. It reminded me of my babysitter, Julie, claiming that love at first sight didn't exist. Maybe it didn't for her. But it sure as hell did for us. Because I had been in love with Miles Young ever since the first moment I laid eyes on him too.

"And since I was a stupid kid, I just did what stupid kids do. I was horribly mean to her for the first year I knew her. I wouldn't let her into my tree house. I called her names. For a whole month I pretended she was invisible. Every time she got near me I told her how annoying she was. And then one day, I found her crying by the stream in this little park in our neighborhood. She had slipped on the mossy rocks and cut her knee. There was blood everywhere because the cut had gotten wet. It tore me apart to see her like that. I remember thinking that I'd never let anything bad happen to her ever again. That I'd keep her safe."

I closed my eyes tight. I remembered him threatening to come visit me when I was in foster care. How upset he was when he thought someone was hurting me. Why did I turn him away? Why didn't I let him protect me?

"We were inseparable since that day. She was my best friend. We did everything together. But it was more than that. We were young, but, I mean...does that really matter? I try to look back at it and tell myself it wasn't more than that, but it felt real. I loved her. I truly did love her."

He loved me. He loved me and I pushed him away.

He cleared his throat. "When I was ten, her parents were in a car crash and died. I was there the night when the police officers came. It looked like all the life was sucked out of her. I mean, she was just a kid. We both were. It killed me to see her like that. I promised myself I'd protect her, but I couldn't take that pain away from her."

No one could take that pain away. It was supposed to get better with time. But that was a fucking lie. Everyone who said that didn't understand. It was like there was a hole in my heart. Maybe I just didn't have enough love in my life to come close to filling the vacancy.

"She moved in with her grandmother in another state. The distance was hard. We wrote to each other all the time, but we didn't really get to see each other anymore. She always put on such a brave face. I hated that. I hated that she'd erase things and write over them, like I couldn't see her previous thoughts. Like I couldn't see her pain. I hated that my mom wouldn't let me call her because it was long distance. I hated that I couldn't be there for her." He sighed. "I was a pretty angry kid."

I hadn't known that either. I thought his life was perfect. Star soccer player. Living, loving parents. Popular. I didn't know I had kept him down a notch. And I was angry too. I was angry for letting that have happened without even realizing it. I had ruined his life. I bit the inside of my lip. How could I have let that happen?

"But then her grandmother died too."

Just my grandmother.

"She went into foster care."

I'm not crazy.

"All that warmth and joy and optimism. It just disappeared as she went from family to family. We still wrote to each other all the time. But her letters got less and less detailed. I knew she was hurting. Or maybe someone was hurting her. I don't know. I tried to go see her and she told me no. I pressed it. I blame myself for..."

"Stop." I knew the rest of our story. I blamed Don for everything bad in the past few years. But this was on me. This was my fault. I should have let Miles come. I should have let him help me. I should have let him in. "You can't blame yourself if she didn't want your help."

He leaned back slightly so he could put his hand under my chin. He lifted my face to his. "I made a promise to myself that I'd protect her."

"When you were just a kid." I wasn't sure why, but I was suddenly angry. Angry about the situation. Angry at myself.

"Does that matter?"

"Yes." My anger had bubbled over into tears. I was hysterical. God, I was crazy.

He tried to wipe away my tears but I pushed his hand away.

---