I nodded and we walked hand in hand down the fire escape. I didn't feel an ounce of fire in his touch now. There was just this overwhelming sense of comfort. He could protect me. Maybe this didn't have to end in two days. When had my hope dissipated?
I glanced at Eli out of the corner of my eye as we stepped off the fire escape. "You look older."
"I am older than you originally thought," he said with a smile.
> "No, I know. I just...I mean, I can see it now. Where did you go to college the first time around?"
He laughed. "The University of Colorado. And then I went to the police academy when I decided I didn't want to go to law school."
"You originally wanted to be a lawyer?"
"I've always wanted to help people. I just wasn't exactly sure how I wanted to do that." His fingers tightened around mine slightly as we crossed the street. The small gesture made me feel protected.
We didn't speak as we entered Central Park. The silence with him wasn't awkward. It wasn't like it was with Miles, when I was worried he'd discover the truth. I felt at peace.
"I believe that you didn't know that Don was hurting me," I finally said, breaking the silence. "I just wanted you to know that. And I'm sorry that..."
"Summer, please don't apologize. It kills me that I didn't know. I swear I would have stopped it if I knew. I was right there. I should have seen it."
I could hear the pain in his voice when he spoke about it. It was almost as if he blamed himself. If I was going to die in two days, I didn't want him to hold on to that pain. "It wasn't your fault, Eli."
He didn't say anything.
"Eli," I said and pulled on his hand to make him stop walking. "I'd say I forgive you, but there is nothing to forgive. But I see it in your face. You have to forgive yourself." I placed my hand on the center of his chest.
His Adam's apple rose and fell as he stared down at me. I could feel his heart racing beneath my palm.
"I could have prevented that pain," he said. "Whenever I look at you, I can see that pain in your eyes. If I had seen it, I could have..."
"You couldn't have done anything. Don would have killed you. You know what he's like. I'm just grateful that you like me despite everything that's happened."
"You think you're broken. But I don't see it that way, Summer." He gently cupped the side of my face in his hand. "And you need to stop beating yourself up over things that weren't you're fault."
My unborn baby dying was my fault. I ignored the sharp pain in my chest and leaned into his hand slightly. I was supposed to be distancing myself from him, but he kept drawing me closer. This didn't feel like an act. This felt real. And I was worried that if I went through with my plan and ended things tonight, the part of me he loved would fade away. I didn't want to disappear.
Chapter 31
Wednesday
Eli pulled my seat out for me and I sat down. There were already two glasses of water in front of the seats across from us. Apparently Kins and Patrick had arrived before us, but they were missing now.
A waitress walked over to us. "Welcome to the Tavern on the Green. I'm Lexi and I'll be your waitress this evening. Can I get you both something to drink?"
"Water is fine," Eli and I both said at the same time.
The waitress smiled. "I'll be right back."
"You could have ordered something a little stronger," I said when the waitress walked away.
"But that's a little suspicious for an 18 year old, don't you think?"
I laughed. "Only if Kins and Patrick ever show."
"We were a little late. Maybe they're just looking around the restaurant. This place is amazing, don't you think?"
I looked up at the strings of lights streamed above our heads and turned to view the big tree I had seen when we walked into the outdoor portion of the restaurant. The tree was strung up with lights and the setting sun made the whole scene breathtaking. The lights reminded me of the stars.
I turned back to Eli. "It's really beautiful. Remember the first date we went on, you know, when you took me to Central Park to see the stars?"